Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group

Lula,
I feel your pain. My hubby gets into episodes and he threatens to leave almost everyday. He tells me that he doesn't think we are on the same page and that it's just not going to work. I used to sit there get upset and talk him out of it. In hindsight I don't know if that was the best thing for me to do. Now when he does that I just tell him fine, if that's what you want and if that's what's going to make you happy then leave. I know I am a strong person and can survive without him (not that I want to, but know I can). This, for some reason, makes him think things thru and he stays on his own.

I think you've done the right thing by telling him how you are feeling, even in an episode I do think that they do hear us, all tho it might take some time for them to admit it. Unfortunately for us it takes some time that usually ends up making us more upset. I'm glad you told him that you are there for him, when he comes out of it, he'll remember that. It can be hard to rationalize with a BP when in an episode, but we have to remember that it is just an episode. I would give him a couple of days and if you don't hear from him, send him a text just saying hi and asking how he's doing. Pushing during an episode just seems to make matters worse (at least in our household it does).

Good luck and HUGS!

Thanks, I think that's good advise, I'm going to try and do that although it'll be hard, I just have to keep my phone at a distance for a couple of days, I've even been leaving it at home while at work to stop myself constantly watching it and stop myself texting him again.

Have you heard from him?? I hope you have. I'm in a situation where my bp boyfriend is in rehab and he'll prob. be there for the next 3 - 10 months. Prob. is... I'm the one who ALWAYS calls him - he'll be fine not talking to me for days (I think), but I never allow for that to happen because of me calling. I fear that if I stop, he won't ever call again. :( So stupid because I know i need to work on myself and start distancing my heart. He's in his own headspace and doesn't really have the capacity to have the room to think about me the way I do about him.

Yeah, this bp things sucks... but it sucks more when the partner (me) has anxiety to boot.

Again, let me know how it's going... I hope well! :)

Serenity72,
I was in Rehab for 1 month, it should have been longer but no money. Anyway, In the begining they dont let you use the phone.Oh and i was in many of them, but the one I usually talk about is the one that actually care enough to help me. i guess it helps when you pay cash!! K back to your b/f. Maybe he is so busy with all the groups and the doctors he just cant do it. It is very hard in there to think about the family when you have all thr dr. telling you what you can and cannot do. I would be in seesions from 8am til 8pm. back and forth. I was allowed to call my family I think a week into it (the other places some made me not call them at all or u had to earn it. They could call the nurses that was it!!) Also remember he is with alot of other people there in his shoes and sometimes it is better to not talk to someone who isnt in your shoes. I was a bit different as I was cycling so much one min i needed to call, then the next min. I didnt want to hear his voice. I do remember the other people with me and alot of them didnt talk to there spouse b/f g/f for days at a time. I honestly dont think he is doing this to be mean. It is just very hard in those places. I hope I didnt sound mean or offend you. This was my experince in rehab, all of them. Please take care and if you have any question please message me!!

Sorry LulaMae, i know this was your post but i talk to you all the time and I did answer the other post!! Plus you know i love ya!!!!

I think that you should give him some space and let him make the next move.From the signals he is sending he is not ready to be in a relationship right now.Whether that is from illness or just where he is in life I think you need to respect his need for space.i know that is hard and you do not understand and that is tough.I think if I were you I would get some good counseling for myself and start to distance myself from the situation a bit.
I know this is hard and I hope you get things worked out.**HUGS**

I know it's really tough, but I agree that the best thing to do is wait. If you wait and it's clear that you're there for him, I really think that he will at some point choose to come back. In my experience, talking to someone who's made it clear they want some distance doesn't really do much good.

I also agree that leaving the phone at home is a good idea. I've done that before (or forced myself to turn it off for a few hours). I know how hard this is. If you can, try to distract yourself by doing things with other friends, watching movies, reading, etc. I really think he will come back eventually but try not to focus on it so much right now.