A dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur continually, leading oth...
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can someone help me :(
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i got some VERY disturbing news recently and I'm trying to deal with it and figure out where to go from here. My 14 year old daughter told me that my husband(who is the bio dad to all my children) had done some inapropriate things with her sister (my 15 year old daughter) but that my 15 year old didn't want to tell me because she didn't think I would believe her. I was completly shocked and I didn't know what to think. I have been with my husband for 18 years and I NEVER thought he would do anything like that. She also asked me not to say anything. So I told her that she had to get her sister to tell me. Later that night she came and told me that when she was 13 she went to work with her dad and he had her sit on his lap. She said he just hugged her no big deal at first but after a long time it just felt creepy. Then he took her over and laid her down on something and crawled on top of her and started kissing her and her neck and chest. then he tried to take off her tank top so she freaked out and ran out to the truck. she said he kept working for about an hour and then they went home. she said neither of them ever talked about it or anything. I know she really doesn't like her dad much but I always just thought it was a normal teenage thing. Now I don't know what to do or say. I have 6 children ages 2-15. I have a few large checks coming in soon and I was kind of waiting for that before confronting my husband. I wanted to have money to leave and sustain myself for awhile as all I have ever been is a stay at home mom. I worry that waiting is showing my daughter that I don't care, which ISNT true. I also know that he is going to catch on that something is wrong. I cringe when he touches me, I don't dare leave the kids alone with him, I'm sure I am distant and strange. I just don't know what to do. Then, how do I confront him? I don't want to accuse him and have him on the defence right away. I just am SO CONFUSED and unsure of how to handle all of this. ANY suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated!! THANKS!!
Posted on 05/14/08, 03:05 am |
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i am sorry if this is harsh but i cant believe that you are not talking to your daughters and finding out what the heck is going on. waiting for money to come in is no excuse for that. sounds like you are protecting your husband and your main job is to protect your children at all costs. the longer you wait the more time you are giving him to do more things to your daughter that they will never get over. when i was 15 and babysitting for my aunt and uncle he tried to come in my bedroom and touch my butt. i stopped him, got up and left and went home and told my mom. i never talked to my uncle again and really think about it all the time and i am an old lady now!! if my husband would have touched my girls i would have kicked his ass to the curb and turned him in to the police for molestation. if he is doing that to his own daughters who else is he doing it to. please dont wait, act now before it is to late and your daughters have to go for therapy. 
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I am talking to my daughters. I they have both talked to me and they swear this is the only incident but I REFUSE to leave ANY of my six kids with him. I AM NOT PROTECTING HIM!! I am SO angry with him you have NO IDEA. But I have six kids and I need money to take care of them. We spent all of our savings paying a lawyer to get his sisters kids out of foster care. So I have less than $400 in savings right now. We are self employed and I am expecting over $15,000 to come in in the next week or so. I know this situation isn't ideal, but either is living in a car with my kids. I have no family close by or anything. Maybe I am doing the wrong thing, honestly I don't know thats why I am here. I'm just trying to put out enough information so you understand. I think they already need therapy. I REALLY don't want anyone to think I am protecting him because I want him punished. I just don't want the kids around when I confront him and I honestly have no idea what to even say. This is so hard and its ok for anyone to be harsh with me I'm sure I need that.
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Start calling some women's shelters to see how they can help you. you also need ot go to legal services and find out what charges may be pressed against you for failing to report him. I would also talk to my minister, school counselor, etc.
I know it is like opening a can of worms. But, try and put yourself in your children's shoes. Summer is coming, is it possible you can send the girls to live with someone else until you get yourself settled. PLEASE be very careful. From the moment you were made aware of the situation, if you do not report him, you can also be charged for child endangerment or worse. You could end up losing your children if you do not find a way to protect them. God Bless you.
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I am young and not a mom, but can't you go talk to the cops and find out what would happen if pressed charges? I mean wouldn't that make it so they would arrest him, atleast for a little while, and you could put a restraining order on him and you could stay at the house, atleast until you make a plan. And when you go to file for divorce and go for custody, it will be most likely impossible for him to get any kind of custody. I know you don't want to waste time, I would spend every moment I had trying to find out what my options are. I know I am ignorant when it comes to this whole subject, and I am sorry I can't be more help. And I am really sorry to hear your daughter had to go through that. Good luck and God Bless
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I mean no harm and I am not trying to come down on you, because I just can't imagine what you must be going through, but I just can't understand the following statement that you wrote, "I know this situation isn't ideal, but either is living in a car with my kids."
I mean I would much rather live in a car with my kids and know they are not being harmed, than to live in the biggest mansion in the world while knowing they may be being raped or assaulted. Besides, if you were to go ahead and get the police involved, I am pretty sure they would allow the mother and 6 children to stay in the house and make him hit the road until the investigation proves him guilty or innocent. So please go ahead and get away as soon as you can. I don't know the man and I can't say if he did it or not, but if he did, he is obviously a monster, and if he would try to have sex with his daughter, just imagine what other kinds of evil he would be capable of doing to you and your kids. God bless.
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My brother is a sherriff in the same state I live in. I asked him a general question about what would happen to someone if they did that. He said most likely he would get charged with misdemeanor lewdness. he would most likely get out of jail the same day he was arrested. Also with him having no criminal history he wouldn't get a very harsh punishment. I WILL NOT let him near the kids without me right there I will make sure he doesn't do anything to them. Honestly I don't want to stay in the house either I would rather go far far away from him. I have family 5 hours away in the same state and also in a nearby state so I would like to just get there and have some emotional support that way. Inside I am raging and i just want to kill him but I am trying to keep calm and do what I think is most practical. I am going to look in to the restraining order as soon as my kids are safe and I confront him. Thats something I REALLY want to make sure to get. I did also talk to an attorney today about filing for divorce with full custody. Im going to meet with him on friday. Maybe i should try and get someone to keep the kids overnight and confront him then have him arrested then and get what I can overnight and go. But even then i need the money first. I dont want anyone to think that I am staying because I am spoiled and I want to stay comfortable. I'm just trying to make sure when I leave I DO NOT have to rely on him for anything. I probably sound cold and whinething and I don't mean to I just never thought i would be faced with a situation like this and I'm not sure how to handle it. My brain is going a billion different directions. I'm scared, terrified even and I just want to make sure that when I leave I have everything I need to take care of them. Even if it means a small apartment somewhere. Does anyone have any other suggestions or any suggestions on how to confront him? I appreciate everything you guys are saying to me I truely do and it is helping me SO MUCH!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
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To touch ones own child or anyone else's in an inappropriate way is dis-speakable. Turn him over to the Authorities and let them touch him, hopefully behind bars.
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This is my opinion only but you seem to have no doubt that your daughter's are telling you the truth and you have not asked him yet, did you already suspect something or want out of the relationship? I can tell you from first hand experience that being sexually abused by your biological father is something your daughters will never get over you need to get them out and confront him and take legal action if he is guilty. My family did not and my mother went back to him and I have been running from these memories since I was 15 years old and I just turned 53. God Bless you and good luck
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First and foremost, honey, unless there is something to be gained from telling you a story of this magnitude, I would be very hesitant about doubting your daughter. She is young and scared and she's looking to you for love, guidance, and protection. This man needs to be confronted in a major way. Why worry about how it's done? Did he worry about how your little girl would feel when he did what he did? I doubt it! Talk to your daughters right away. It doesn't matter if it was the only incident or not and I question whether or not it was...it might just be the only one you know about...that was one incident too many!
All of you are going to need some family therapy and time to heal and this sick bastard needs to be put to the wall.
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