A dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur continually, leading other members to accomm...
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How to make my relationship a happy one
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Me and my boyfriend often argue, things have been said to me that have really hurt, and now i say things to hurt him back as he succeeds to do to me. The things that are said and done i can't put to one side, i bring them up over and over again...
I am making myself and all around me unhappy too because i just can't stop moaning and shut up going on and on about shit that has happened or done. I feel so insucure and lonely, i try and talk to my bf but i end up hurting and moaning time after time. He works hard but when he is here i miss him, aswell as when he is at work because he alway seems to cut me off and it makes me feel sad and tearful. I have 3 children one is my bf's who is 6mths old, lost my Dad 7 weeks ago and i feel lonely and left to get on with it alone, he said i can talk to him but no feedback, or affection...I need help to shut things that hurt me and not bring them up, or i will never feel happy and sucure. please help Posted on 05/08/08, 05:05 pm |
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I would like to help by telling you to leave the past in the past. Hurtful things are always said when you are fighting. Most of the time they are said in the heat of the moment and would never be said otherwise. The worst thing you can do is keep dragging up all the crap. Move on, tell yourself that it was just cuz ya'll were upset and it doesn't really matter or count. My husband and I agreed a long time ago that when we would fight, we were not going to say anything hurtful until we took a moment to think about it and how the other one would feel after we said it. 
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Very well said. I too did the same thing. We would get into a fight, or he would do some stupid and I wouldn't let it go.
I'm not say it's ok for him to say mean things and have you sit down and shut up about it. I would never. Say what you have to say, one time, calmly, softly, and let it go. People listen better when your not freaking out and yelling at them. I know if someone yells at me, I'm going to get mad, stop listening and yell back at them, and nothing is being heard, and nothing is being fixxed. I couldn't see then, like I do now, that I was doing the same thing to him that he was doing to me. I was married for 20 years, before we called it quits. I only wish I knew this before. Best of luck. And remember Marriage it's a 2 way street. Hope it helped some what.
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I wish I could offer you some advise... but i just can't relate. I don't understand how people who are supposed to love each can say mean things to each other. I would suspicion this behavior was evident before you married. I guess all i can say is, if you love him, act like it. If he loves you, he should act like it as well and that does not include speaking disrespectful or hurtful to each other. Think of the example you are setting for your children.
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I am in your situation just wanted to say God Bless, I wish I had advice
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its ok to say, say nothing, but how? i lived on my own for 3 half years with my boys and learnt how to protect us and be strong, now i have someone its hard not to be so protective.
My boyfriend has tried to understand and i'm trying not to take things to heart. Thanks for replies
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Think it happens to most of us or it always has to me u get mad and say things! bad I have heard it all and I kinda try not to say really bad things. But I hear some really hurtful ones for sure and sometimes I get defensive sure I do we all would !
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What I try to do is when me and my bf are fighting, I try not to call him one name, or say bad things. No it doesn't always work, but I try. And when I want to say something about the past or something that has happened and we have already talked about it I try to think of something he does that show me some kind of love. It is hard but I try to be positive and think good things, and I slowly make progress. Good luck and I hope that is some kind of help
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Thankyou to you all, i have been trying not to comment on things that bug me or say it but not so rudely. I still get reminded of the things that he has said lots of times thoughout the day, have controlled getting uptight inside, thats when it all starts, i think of things that has happened or said and i get that tighting and instant annoyed feeling inside which i stew and finally explode. not sure if anyone gets those feelings, i am desperate to control those feelings and not explodebut at the same time i am scared to be made a fool off again.
Is there anyone else who can relate to how i feel and what they do, my relationship has got bad when its bad and lovely when its good... I know i am my own worst enemey but my bf's doing and what he has said is a BIG part of why i feel the way i do....
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While your situation is common - it isn't normal. That isn't how healthy, mature and loving adults relate. Perhaps marriage counselling would help.
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i know how you feel, my husband and i have been going through a lot since i had our son, our son is 9 months and i feel like my husband doesnt love me any more. all we do is fight, he goes out with his friends untill 3 or 4 in the morning and when he is home he is on the phone with some girl he met on the computer from our home town. when i get homw from work she is who he is talking too and when i come in he tells her he has to go and then spends the rest of the night sending her text messages. i am really tired and im thinking of leaving but we have 2 kids togetfer and i still love him but i diserve more. for fathers day i didnt even get a thank you, all i got was complaints, the polo black cast to much, the caramel apple is going to make his teeth hurt and men dont get roses!
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