Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Hello everyone....I wanted to share my story of how I was an addict and how I Recovered....
I was diagnosed with Carpel Tunnel 5years ago and began taking HydroCodone. Little did I know that I would become addicted to just a pain pill. One was enough, then I needed two and so forth, all addicts know how this works.
After two yrs I was beginning to become ill. Very sick, and I even looked sick and my meds wasn't enough anymore. I was street buying just for my needs. By the way, I wasn't alone either, my husband was addicted as well. He didn't seem as sick as I was, just yet that is. Of course I wasn't taking them the way I should have either, I snorted them. We both was and it got to the point where I couldn't even eat. I finally went to the ER one night due to an infection in the back of my throat. The doc said he had never seen nothing like it, I guess he thought I had some rare disease, but I knew what it was from. It actually had rotten out my tonsels. I reached out after that night and decided I had to do something about it. My husband was working out of town and had called me the second day out there to say he had done all of his up in one day and was quitting, He was my Inspiration. So that night, I decided if he could do this at work surely I could, the only difference was I had a little one to take care of, so I called in Help. My Momma, My BestFriend. She arrived that morning around 8 to find me on my deathbed. I couldn't even get out of the bed. The Dts was terrible, my body ached so bad, I stayed in the bathroom, it coming out both ways, I got up though just enough to explain why she was there. I told her the truth, Mom, I'm addicted to pain pills and I need your help to get me off of them. Don't ask any questions just listen and understand. Which of course she did. She never said nothing to me, made a pot of coffee and said u need to drink plenty of this, it will help flush u out. I didn't want my daddy to know, so she never told him. I struggled all week long. I used a heating pad at night for my legs, it soothed the cramping, and I took it to a higher level, God. My mother was in church at the time, and My husbands father is a preacher, so all the praying helped and my father-in-law had been to my home that following weekend to pray with me and he annointed me. I know God above played a important role because after the third day I was up and feeling much better. I even cleaned house for the first time in months, and gave my little one a long bath and even dressed him. I had went almost 4 months without any rest. And I mean NO rest. I know God was with me the whole time though and I thank God everyday for my little one. The days I was lying on the couch and ready to just die, I had him asking for something to eat or drink, and thats what kept me going for as long as I did. After my mother staying with me for a week, I made it to the other side. So did my husband. He came in that following weekend and we both was so proud of one another. We went for along time being clean. U have to give up friends, doctors, everything that surrounds u and the addiction. I believe I made it almost 40 some days and I was back at square one. It started with just getting one or two on the weekends to everyday, We both was hooked all over again. I felt terrible and couldn't believe that I would allow myself to become an addict again after what a battle it was the first time, and it was hell. This time I decided to not snort them just take them but it doesn't matter how u dose your still abusing. The addiction was just as bad as in the beginning. We both had failed. I felt like a loser. I never told my mother either, I was to ashamed of myself. After being on them again we was expecting our second child. And yes I had to quit, it didn't seem bad this time around maybe because I knew I had to. My husband continued though but kept it away from me. He was born in April 2006 and I had to have a C-Section. So after being dry for almost 10 months I was hooked all over again by just taking one. So here we was at the end of 2006 in December and my husband was as sick as I was the first time we quit. So he decided it was time to end this. Word of advice u can't be alone while trying to Detox and if you both are addicts quit seperatly and not together. So u can depend on one another. He layed them down two days before Christmas. Yeah I know, what a great time to stop. Needless to say, that Christmas sucked, but it was the best gift I could have recieved from him. It took him a week and half to move forward past the Dts..
It was hell for him but he made it and then I followed in January, the 2nd to be exact of 2007. It wasn't that bad for me though, and before I knew it I was clean. I couldn't believe we both had finally made it. 3 months went by and I was just beginning to feel normal again. My husband on the other hand, well lets just say he failed after 3 months of being clean he went back to the addiction and tryed keeping it hid. Of course though I knew better and finally caught him red handed in May on Mothers Day. I was angry, Mad, disgusted, Disappointed, I also felt like he had cheated me. He also said it was the pain he couldn't deal with everyday. When he was 14 he had broke his back in 2 places and has suffered with back problems every since. That's how I knew for sure he was using again, when he stopped complaining of his back hurting him of the mornings upon getting out of bed. Still though, I may not ache like he did, but I hurt everyday, sometimes I have severe pain thats unexplained, but yet I fought it. Here I maintained everyday to keep myself clean and he was an addict all over again. I kept clean though. Even though he had back slid, I wasn't looking backwards. I didn't want to. They say if you make it to six months of being clean, you have defeated it, and I did. It made a year in Jan of this year and I haven't been so proud of myself. In Feb of this year I had to get alot of dental work done in my mouth and of course needed something for the pain, they wrote me out Tyloxs and believe it or not I was so scared to just take one, I thought if I did I would be hooked all over again like I was before. I was wrong though. I think I might of took 2 or 3 and the rest I flushed. I didn't need them and I didn't become an addict by just taking one either. U have to have Willpower, Strength, and the need of wanting to quit. But, I do believe an addict who has become clean needs to just stay away from the problem. A doctor told my husband that a recovering addict can't even take one u have to never look back or depend on the fact that one won't hurt and I can just quit. It's difficult then just saying it then in doing it. Its been 16months since I have used and I feel so much better. I even quit ColdTurkey all 3 times of trying. If I can do it so can u. On the other hand with my husband, well he still is an addict, He struggles trying not to abuse them but still has to have one every now and then. He admits it and knows he is, which is your first step to quitting. When and if he'll ever quit, I don't know but thats his decision. Maybe I should have walked away from him for stepping back to the habit, but I couldn't. I told myself that soon enough he will stop and I told him when he is ready I will be right by his side. He respects me though, He keeps it from me and doesn't bother me about it. Which he probaly knows better.:O) To end a long story short, I did survive. It might have took me 3 times of trying but I did manage to fight the addiction. I shared this in hopes of helping anyone who might be dealing with an addiction. I hope this helps and gives you the courage to stop. Don't think you can't because you can. You have to be willing though and ready to say goodbye and start a new life without being an addict. Of course after it being a year and 6mon I still fight the cravings and battle the addiction. I beleive it will remain a part of me forever and I'll always be an addict without dosing everyday. It took me along time to feel myself again and the hardest task of it all is finding yourself again without it. The feeling of being normal is difficult since all I knew everyday for 5 years on and off was the dependent of a pill everyday. People I know say its impossible to quit ColdTurkey and docs even recommend u don't. Because of your body going into shock and other ways that screw u up, like mentally. It will take control of u sonner or later. U never have control of it, thats why so many people get out of hand with it, just like We did. I have friends who are addicts and I tell them how I quit and encourage them to do the same but it's something they have to want to do. Remember for those who have loved ones who are addicts, U can't help them until they are ready to help themselves. Its hard and its a rockyroad for everyone involved, and everyone suffers. I believe anyone can quit if they want to. I tell my story of recovery to anyone who will listen cause the world we live in today is nothing but surroundings of folks with addictions and they are fighting it just like the next person. I've heard of people going to the Methadone clinic, there is also something new now, called Soboxone, its for Detox, people trying to come off Narocotics. I firmly don't believe one needs this crap to quit, all your doing is subistuting one drug for another, either way your just going to be hooked on something else. It is painful, and very difficult to quit ColdTurkey, The detox stage seems impossible to defeat, but if u can make it thru the first week u got it whipped, just don't look back. If u make it thru the night, tomorrow is a Brighter Day. One day at a time, like taking baby steps. U have to learn how to live again, just without it. First, admitting it, and reaching out for help. Don't try this alone, everyone needs a hand to hold or even a shoulder to cry on. Drink plenty of fluids and try getting as much rest as possible. Some say staying in bed worked for them, but I found the more I moved around the better I felt. For the aches and pains: heating pads, warm baths, exercising.
I even took a nerve pill on occassions when I couldn't rest, it helped and it took the anxiety away, and Tylenol it takes the edge off and most of all Everyone needs support. Make for sure your around a positive surrounding, remember you don't need to be brought down anymore then u already feel....Its truely been a Reward for me knowing that I made it, and the grass is greener on the other side. And Remember if I can do it, so can you, and never give up, it took me 3 times to stop and completely recover, and I managed and know that Can't never Could!!
Angie
Posted on 07/14/08, 03:07 pm