Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

I'm not sure how great my advice could possibly be since I've spent the last two years struggling with the same question, but my experience has shown me that no, I'm not helping. My boyfriend has struggled with drug addiction since he was in his teens. When we first started dating he had a bit of an alcohol problem but got over that. He's never been quite able or willing to shake the drugs. I think that you have to start asking the question what are you worth and what do you deserve. Clearly you don't deserve this, but I think when we love someone so much we want to help them and make them better; how do you leave someone you love this much when they're in the middle of a battle that could destroy their life? At least, that's the question I've asked myself so many times. I think the answer is, you leave because you can't let them pull you down with them and they are probably going to have to hit rock bottom and maybe lower before they're really going to take back the reins and get better. I realize that addiction is a disease and a sickness; however, I also think we're all responsible for our actions and choices. There's a difference between someone who is really struggling to get better and someone who is still in thier addiction and doesn't have any intention of fighting it too much because they aren't ready to give it up. You can't love him enough to make him stop, and you can't love him enough to make him love himself. I think what we all have to push each other to do is to remember back to when we put ourselves first. You sound like a really caring and tender hearted person; don't let him take that from you. Find someone who will appreciate it and deserve it. And you never know, if you walk away, maybe he'll finally clean up his act and come back to you--I guess that's what I hope for these days, although I realize it might be a fruitless hope...

Why would you bother his parents?
They dont need to feel the misery you feel.
Work on yourself first. Maybe then you can help your husband.
Peace
Joe

I agree with JoeM. If you work on yourself... perhaps you will see clearer. My concern is your children... look at the example that is being set for them... all around it is not a healthy situation to expose them to. It's an environment you were raised in and still feel comfortable in, but that doesn't make it good. If you work on yourself, go to alanon meetings, counseling the decision will be clear, it will not be easy, but you will know what to do.

I'm not trying to be harsh but, I'm curious why your so focused on your husbands needed change but, you openly admit and identify that you have been an enabler your whole life. Do you feel it is fair to demand his sobriety yet make no attempt to get yourself well? I think you should go to couples counseling and individual counseling. A focus on yourself seems glaringly vital. I'll repeat. I am not being mean, I have always been a very blunt person. It seems a waste to dump a marriage when you can make it a team effort. Why don't you say "hey honey I think we both have a problem. Why don't we work on it as a team?" Good example for the kids too.