Families & Friends of Gays & Lesbians Support Group

I have no experience but will tell you my feelings.
Maybe space is good he can make his decisions without pressure.
Does he still want a sexual relationship with you?
Gve him space but keep contact
x

I am experiencing a similar situation, though not entirely. I have been with my husband since my junior prom, and married for ten years. I have always questioned my husbands true sexual preference, but he is really religious, and even if he were gay, would not accept it. He recently began going to therapy to address some issues he's been having with the impulse to show himself to others in public bathrooms, including teens. He assures me he is not aroused at the thought or actions, however, something has got to be behind them. I know he loves me, but I also know that I love my closest girl friend. Wondering if our marriage will be anything more than platonic from this point on.

I think you need to sit him down and have a face to face chat.
First off say that you need to know whats going on right now...say you're worried and theres nothing he can't tell you, under any circumstances.

Maybe you should state the fact that you think he's gay and give him reasons as to why you think he is.

Before he gets mad, ask him to look at this through your point of view.

And when he does get mad, don't let him leave the room, unless he hits...then thats a sign of a lot of other things probably.

Just do everything possible and make it very clear that you are there for him and theres nothing he can't tell you.
good luck =]

hello friend,

i can only imagine the feelings of hurt, confusion and loss you are feeling. things may seem very confusing and at the same time, you must be feeling some anger. i have recently left my relationship of 8years. my partner and i were on very different levels in terms of our sexuality and our identities. We don't have kids, we didn't share the complete family life as "husband & wife" but we did live in a very possitive and commited relationship during our time together. I was once str8t and then began to feel that i was gay. i knew that my feelings for other men were very real. i chose to stop hurting the women i was with and espcially the hurt in side of myself. I can only share my journey...........our break up came when i began to feel as if we were just friends, as if we were brothers. you know when this happens, the feeling is very clear and can be very sad. I got to the point where there was no going back. i also began to feel like it wasn't fair to him, he still loved me very much and wanted to work things out? but when you get to this point? there is nothing to work on. you have to know when to be honest and when to let go. to try to force it only makes it harder and much more painful........i learn this the hard way. why put yourself thru this? talk to him, let him know how you feel and ask him to really look at things for what they are?. help him to understand all that he is risking by possibly following this feeling? if he really feels that he is gay, don't try to hold on. he will eventually leave and it will cause alot of problems for you, your relationship and all those around you. having him in your life and that of your kids is very real and healthy, trying to hold to him is not. if he is gay, then you cannot carry on a sexual or physical connection with him. i know how much you still care for him and maybe you are hoping he is confused, only time will tell. be ready if he decides to leave and find a different way of life. when we love someone so much, you are willing to do anything, give anything and do things we would nerver ever think about. i can understand how much you want to hold on but know this.........if he is talking about going out to bars and doing these type of things, it may be that he has already done them and is now just coming forward. i know that when i came out, it wasn't about the bar scene, it was about me being me and wanting to be out. it was about my identity and what that meant to me. i could no longer hide who i was and going to bars was not my way of dealing. if you still want to be friends, than be a good one, let him know all he would be losing and all he will be walking away from. make him see how much he would hurt you and how his kids will have to feel about his decision. be honest about your feelings.
i wish you both the best.

Wow sdlatin thank you. I left my husband last year this week. I left for reasons I was not sure of. After I left and moved out last October he came forward and told his entire family that he was gay. He had not told me till after our divorce was final in November. I aksed him a bunch of questions like have you always preferred men? He said that he has always had a tendancy towards men since he was little, but never acted upon it, and wanted to lead a "so called normal" life. I was crushed and heartbroken and thought it was all might fault, but learned and realized over time it was not all my fault he just doesn't prefer women. Now we are back to being good friends like we were before we were married. Thank you again sdlatin for all the advice you gave. it helped me truly as I have been trying to hold on and hold on, and it just doesn't work. Thank you again.