What is Families and Friends Affected By Suicide
Suicide affects not only the individual, but also the family and friends who provide support and love. This community is offered as a place for those affected b...
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I've gone numb thinking about it.
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Only about four people know that I witnessed my friend die in front of me.
It was when I used to pop pills and drink. I never knew what I even took. My friends and I seemed to just live in a post-party stupor. It was basically that if someone told you to swallow the pill, you did it. We were at one of our parties. we went to a lot of parties, most of them on farms and such so no one would hear us. My friend Scotty Scotch(who ironically his name wasn't even Scott) had some pills. I took 4 of them. I wasn't quite trashed. He said he was going to take ten. We got into an argument. I told him "if you take ten you'll be dead like that hooker they found." (Just for note, a hooker was found dead in a cranberry bog once about 20 miles from my area.) He got mad and said "Good, at least the paper will have some good news" I responded with "why the fuck do you think people want you dead, are you crazy or just stupid?" I regret every saying that. He looked at me and at all the pills which was probably close to 20 pills. He said, "fuck you I'll do what I want" He fell over had a seizure, and no one but me went up to him. Everyone was off in their own world or they thought he was joking. I was the last one to hold his hand when he went. I know it can't be my fault, but I can't help feeling that way. I was the one that set him over the edge. Am I a horrible person for what I said? Posted on 05/05/08, 08:05 pm |
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Hi crow666draven,
You are not a horrible person! You actually warned him. It sounds like there was some partying going on and this went bad. He made his decision to take the pills. It sounds like he was down (in my day we called it on a downer - i should have asked my 17 year old what its called now). It doesn't even sound like he rerally meant to kill himself but was being belligerant and stubborn. This could be an opportunity you can use in the future to teach others and maybe keep it from happening to others. It seems like from your post you've stopped the drinking and drugging. Good for you. You should still get with a counselor. Trust me on this - been there done that and did the counseling. It's worth it in the long run. gevilido 
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No, you're not. S.S. was not in his right mind, neither were you. But you are now, aren't you? You can't change what Scotch did, or the senselessness of it.
Now. Bitter reality time, coming from someone who has earned the scars that Death leaves me with in place of my brother: you pick up that shattered moment, and you RUN. Whoever you are wherever you are, you are still here. Say goodbye to the chemical refuge you last saw him in and find life again, with a clear head.
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NEVER think you were the one that sent him over the edge. I tried to save my brother from himself and so did my dad and they are going to do it if they are determined, it has nothing to do with you. You need to take care of yourself, suicide is a horrible thing, I've been through it twice, and many attempts from friends and my mom, and my ex slowly drank himself to death, I did watch him slowly die, I felt that was part my fault cause I wouldn't go back with him, I finally realized he did it to himself, they all did.
God bless, Kelly
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Nope. Had nothing to do with what you said. He made his own choice. No guilt. Sorry for your loss.
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