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Skeletons in the closet
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My wife and I are highschool sweethearts, but back during those times, she was more of a tomboy, and I viewed her as just a friend back then.
We graduated the same year, and became out of touch after that. Years had passed, and then I saw her again at a restaurant where I was working, she had lost a lot of wait and I didn't even recognize her at first glance...then she asked for my number and we started dating. Well, one thing led to another, and here we are, 13 and a half years later...we have just gone through another difficult time in our marriage...I am dedicated and committed to my wife, I would never, ever cheat on her, and I've told her that time and time again. I came very very close to walking out on her several times within the past month, but that point never came. This past week has been pure bliss for the both of us, we've been busy rediscovering the old flames of passion and romance...Well, I decided it was way past time to try some new things in the bedroom, so I began looking into a modernized version of the Kama Sutra...she was totally impressed, and she thought that by me looking to improve our sex lives, I was being more open-minded about things... So afterwards, she tells me that she is bi-curious...and I'm shocked. How do you reply to something like that? I wept for quite some time, then we discussed things and I'm still shaken, worried about it... She says that she could never bring herself to that point, and I hope for the sake of our marriage and our daughter that she never does.. Am I being paranoid? I mean, she had these feelings the entire time we've been together...13.5 years, or should I be concerned....no one else knows this but me, and she wants me to keep it that way, and I don't know where to go from here...I really don't want to bring up counseling because I'm afraid of the repercussions of that... Posted on 05/16/08, 01:05 pm |
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I think the fact that she hasn't acted on these feelings all these years is a positive sign. I've been married for 30 years, and I have to admit I've wondered what it may be like to be sexually intimate with another woman. But its never gone beyond wonder or curiosity. My hubby is my best friend, and I've shared things with him I'd never tell anybody else. Maybe your wife felt she could tell you her bi-curious feelings since you did seem to be a bit more open-minded and she just wanted to share. Unless she wants to further her bi feelings, I don't think you really have to worry. 
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It's very common for women to be bi-curious. Just because she's admitted to this doesn't mean she's sizing up every woman that passes by. She could have felt this way her entire life... not just the 13 yrs you two have been together.
I can understand why this would leave you shaken up. But there's no need to be paranoid, IMO. There *is* the possibility that she'll never act on these feelings.But there's also the possibility that she's mentioned it because of the turbulence in your marriage and she misguidedly thinks it will "help" things. Investigating the Kama Sutra was a good idea. It does show you're being more open to new experiences. But you now are faced with deciding just how open you're willing to be sexually. Could you handle your wife being with another woman? I can tell you from personal experience that this can cause more problems than you think. Sometimes just the idea of the fantasy is enough. But if she does come to the point in which she truly wants to explore this aspect of herself, you will have to decide how *you* feel about it. Some men would leap at the chance for this experience, others consider it a "dealbreaker" & see it as cheating. Since you are her primary & committed partner in life, your feelings have to be taken into consideration. So spend some time pondering this situation, your feelings about it and your possible reactions to her being with another woman. But most of all... continue talking to your wife about this. Keeping the lines of communication open in a marriage is absolutely vital!
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