Endometriosis Support Group

Hello my endo sisters. Somehow I think that name just works. If you are going through endo then we have a lot in common!

I went through a break up last month and I am still having a hard time with it. In fact, I also found out my ex fiance is engaged and getting married soon. It's been heart breaking.

I guess I just want to vent and please feel free to join in. I HATE that I am in pain so much that I can't get out like I use to. It gives me way too much time to just think about things.

All I want is a normal life. All I have ever wanted is to be a wife and mom. That is it. I am doing great things with my life. I do research that helps to strengthen families and I love it. But it's just really really lonely and it hurts.

Right now I am living with my grandma because I can't work work. The research I do is on a volunteer basis. I can't work because they pain is absolutely unbearable. There are times I can't even sleep even WITH pain meds because it hurts too much. On top of endo I have fibromyalgia too.

I ALWAYS try to be grateful for what I have and really I am. It's just SO hard not to be able to live a normal life. To not be able to make plans and know 100% I will be able to be there. To be in so much pain at times it makes me throw up or shake.

And then I feel guilty for even thinking about having a family. I just worry about how hard it will be to be a mother and to have this terrible disease. But I want more than anything to be a wife and mother. I have a very nurturing personality.

My ex boyfriend partly broke up with me because I was in pain all of the time. He just didn't understand. I think he thought it couldn't be that bad and yet if anything I minimized it. I really did my best with him. He was verbally and physically abusive so I know logically I shouldn't care but it still hurts a lot. And the broken engagement broke my heart. He was so understanding about my endo. Or at least he acted like it.

Sorry to whine right now. I just feel so overwhelmed and sad and lonely. And my grandmother is one of those types of people that no matter what you do there is no pleasing her ever. Nothing is ever good enough. Even though I try so hard to please her. I am a huge people pleaser.

I just hate the impact my health has had on my relationships. I am on my period now so I am sure you can understand why my emotions are doubly as hard now than at other times. I take 5htp and that helps with depression. My body is so sensitive to medication that when I tried an anti depressant it made me suicidal. I think because it's not a chemical imbalance but a hormonal one!

Thanks for reading this post. If you made it all the way down I appreciate it! And thanks for answering my questions! I can't tell you how much it means to me to know I am not alone in this. Because every day I feel pretty alone.
Posted on 05/16/08, 03:05 pm