Empty nest syndrome is a general feeling of depression and loneliness that parents/other guardian relatives feel when one or more of their children leave home. While more common in...
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I'm still crying & I'm new
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Well, like most of you I too am very close with my daughter. She is the oldest of my 5 children. She has now been away for 4 1/2 weeks and can you beleive I still have moments of sobbing? Is this normal? My daughter joined the Air Force and in currently in Basic Military Training. I don't get to really even talk to her. I might get a 2-3 minute phone call once every other week. This is so hard. She is a beautiful, funny, silly girl who is so much fun to be around. I still can't beleive where she is at right now. And, she joined for 6 years right out of the gate and told me if she really likes it she will be a lifer. Of course I am very proud, but we all have those dreams of having our kids live right down the street and playing with our grandkids...what a change in plans. She plans to go to college while in the Air Force too so that when she comes out...even if it may be only at retirement she will have a career. Again, I am very proud. And what little I have been able to talk to her, she really loves it...and who loves bootcamp anyway! haha! But I am still having these meltdowns. I miss her dearly. It's just breaking my heart. I know I raised her to be exactly what I'm proud of, so what the heck is my problem? I feel like I'm being so selfish, but I just want her all to myself! She has never had a boyfriend, although she sure could have and now I feel I'm going to miss out on her first love or even worse her first heartbreak when she needs a hug. And what about grandkids? I won't be able to be as close to them. Okay, see, here I go. This is what I do. I get myself all worked up over these things and then I turn myself into a mess. Is this what you all do to? I try to stay focused on the positive and this is always creeping up on me. Maybe because this wound is so raw, I must just need more time? Does it get better, especially for those of parents in the military?
Posted on 09/24/08, 10:09 am |
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I don't know what it feels like to have a child in the military, my son tried to join but he had back surgery when he was 7 and they wouldn't let him. I have my kids in the same town that I am in and I talk to my daughter almost everyday, my son, on the other hand, I'm lucky to hear from him once a month! I still cry about them being gone and it's been 3 years since my son moved out and 4 since my daughter. I feel like being a Mom was what I was born to do and now I feel lost. My husband and I are getting used to it, of course, but there are times when I see a child that I really miss the family time we spent together. My kids were 17 and 18 and would rather have stayed home and played cards or a game with us than go out on a Friday or Saturday night. I really miss that. I'm sorry I guess I'm not much help. It will get better but I don't think uou will ever stop missing her. And like you said you raised her to be a stong independant women and that is exactly what she is. Sometimes I think man we did too good of a job, LOL. It will get better. I'm here if you ever need to talk. God BLess 
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dad here. my oldest just left about 10 days ago. got transfered out to washington DC. went there with he boyfriend. never thought i would be this bad. i am having a worse time than my wife. she says that because she is better balanced. my daughter lived in a house that i bought for her when she went to college. lived there for 5 years. and then continued to live there after school. when she went to school here in chicago, we use to go out to lunch like 3 times a week and occassionally to dinner if she had a night class. when downtown on business we would go out for lunch or sometimes she would pick me and drive home. the house was about 5 minutes from our house. about 3 yrs ago we started to redecorate it. major work. down to studs. a project that had a project creep. it still is not done. we did have our disagreements. but i never was able to finish it for her. worked on weekends. now i will never be able to finish it and i feel so bad. we would go out for dinner with her. now that is over. i feel like her boyfriend didnt' want her to be around us. she saw less of us when she started dating him. didn't notice it at first and didn't mention it to anyone and then the other day my brother said exactly that. so i am thinking she might never move back here. so after 24 years of having her near by and doing things with her, all i have left is memories and a couple of trips a years to see her and her boyfriend. really didn't realize what a huge part of my life she was. i have 2 more kids at home and i guess this is a good time to get to know them better. but my first just spent more time with me and my wife. wondering if this was her personality or just the way turned out. it is to the point that when someone says her name i get all teary. i can barely work. kidney stones are nothing compared to this.
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I know what you are going through.My "baby" son left for the Navy 2 and one half years ago. He married during that time and now is stationed in Hawaii for another 2 years. It was hard when he went into the Navy but even harder when he married a girl that was underage and moved out there with him. I knew he wasn't ready for that but what do you say!!! I think when your youngest "child" moves out it is one of the hardest things you have to deal with especially for a mother. Yes, you feel selfish, but being proud of them out weighs any of that. We should feel very proud that they chose this kind of life. It will get a little easier with time but just know that your daughter is doing what she she needs to do and you will be ok.
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