Empty nest syndrome is a general feeling of depression and loneliness that parents/other guardian relatives feel when one or more of their children leave home. While more common in...
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I'm scared I didn't do a good enough job
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I have 2 daughters. One is responsible, lives on her own, she's 19, pays for her own bills, pays for college and is healthy. Then I have another one who is 18 with Bipolar I, ODD, ADHD, who has been in and out of jail since she was 17. Now she is living with some guy, I dont know him, he is a felon, she has no drivers license, no car, no job, etc. I am scared for her. She left and I hadn't heard from her for 3 weeks, now all of a sudden, she is calling wanting me to take her to her probation officer in another town. This is causing me great grief and anxiety. When my daughter left my house, she had the police escort her and made it perfectly clear that she did not want to be here. Then no contact for 3 weeks. That was the hardest part. So I checked myself into a partial hospitalization program for behavioral health to try to get some help. I feel all they did was overmedicate me, which I am slowly trying to come off of on my own. But now that she is back in contact with me, its almost like we are going into the victim-persecutor-rescuer triangle again. And I know that nothing I will do for her will ever be enough. I am just stressed and sad about this. I am also nervous to go back to work after having 3 weeks off. I am worried that I didn't do a good enough job parenting her and that I didn't give her the skills she needs to be a productive member of society..Is this normal for a parent to worry about? Is it normal to have a hard time letting go of a child that you have held onto so close for 18 years? I am just feeling down, down, down today. thanks for listening.
Posted on 04/14/08, 12:04 pm |
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It's perfectly normal for you to have some guilt feelings about the way your child turned out, however you cannot take full responsibility. All you can do is be there for here. If I were in your shoes I would prefer for my daughter to have continuous contact with me regardless of her agenda, and for her to know that I will always be supportive of her regardless of her life choices. I view her wanting contact with you as a positive sign and that things are not going so well with the felon. Internal peace, love and health and the best to you. By the way 
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I have a daughter 20 and a son 19. While my daughter is doing good in college, my son has faced more challenges. about a year and a half ago he took an overdose -i found him in the morning half unconscienous. He was rushed to the emergency room. I thank God he made it but I too often suffer from severe depression and feel very guilty that my son "inherit" depression from me. I understand your feeling of grief and anxiety for your daughter, but all we can do as parents is love our children no matter what they are doing or going through and PRAY all the time for them. Somethings are beyond our own understanding. Just let your daughter know that you love her no matter what and try to be strong for her and she should come through-also make sure you let the other child who is doing better know that you are proud of her but maybe not in front of the other child. I try to do this for my two. I will keep you and yours in my prayers. PEACE
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We can't blame our actions on our parents skills raising us. So you can't be blamed for the problems your daughter is facing now. You must keep yourself safe physically and emotionally. I have 2 daughters age 21 (college student doing great) and 18 yr old that thinks I am a total retard. She is suppose to start college this month but she is so undermotivated. I raised them both exactly the same and they are just 2 different personalities. Hope I helped!
))))HUGS((((
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yes it is normal to have these feelings. i am having these feelings right now as my two oldest go off to college. i feel the time has gone by so fast and hope i was a good enough mom. i hope you and your daughter can work through this and keep up the contact. just know you are not alone in your feelings.
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