Empty nest syndrome is a general feeling of depression and loneliness that parents/other guardian relatives feel when one or more of their children leave home. While more common in...
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I must be the crazy one ...
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Hi all ...
To make a short story long, I am the single mom (always have been) of a 19-year-old girl. She recently moved out in a huff because I wouldn't let her friends (underage) party at my house ... drinking and whatever else those little beasties do. I'm in the marketing department of an international wine company and got her a job in customer service. She seemed to be doing well, I co-signed a car loan for her in August and whammo, in November, she just up and left her job, no money and disappeared. She called me from northern Wisconsin saying "she'd made a mistake," "I'm sorry, can I come home?" I said "of course you can, but there are a few rules you need to follow and we'll get along just fine." She said she'd be driving back to the north shore of Chicago that night. That was December 14. I haven't heard from her since. I paid her insurance bill of $171 as a favor to her and bought a few Christmas gifts in case she showed up. Christmas day came and went with no call, nothing. Radio silence. I found out quite by accident she'd been in town since the 14th, staying a few blocks from our house and I just broke down. I left a Christmas card on her car yesterday morning hoping that would spark a contact. Nothing. I called and no return call. She told me I was the worst mom ever because I won't let her loser friends hang out all the time, I require her to either a) be in school or b) working full and paying a minimal amount of rent just to get her in the habit of paying bills first, saving second and have a little left over for personal needs. She said several times "you're crazy. All you do is work. Why don't you get a life and some friends?" "I hate you so much, why don't you just die." Am I nuts? Should I be feeling bad and crying all the time? :( Posted on 12/29/07, 09:12 pm |
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No I don't think you're the crazy one and neither is your daughter really ...We give our lives to our children they become our social life and everything and they take it gladly . Your daughter is challenging her own life not you , you are left with the empty nest her life is full enough to go it alone and try you are her support and that could be what she is afraid of, codependancy and taking it because you'll give it . What parent wouldn't really . I see she said something to you that scares her "you work all the time" She is making a go at her own life and you are her interference but she will come around eventually as a freind once she has sorted out her life and future and feels comfortable enough to not rely on you , your ways , or diciplines . You'll always be her mother that will never change but currenty you are a threat to her choices in life she'll get over them I was there with my parents and so were you . I wish I could say I know how you feel but I'm a late bloomer and here out of curiousity . I have 3 boys age 5, 7 , and 1 almost 2 . You all seem to be about my age here or only slightly older . I'm concerned about living long enough to see them all graduate while the majority of you have children at an age I may ever see . My mother died at 43 father died at age 64 and grandparents 71 and 72 so I may never know the Empty Nest . I hope I will but that seems like a 50/50 chance at best considering I already had one heart. attack .Do the freindly thing and try telling your daughter that of course she's smart and doing the right thing because after all you are my kid so why wouldn't you be smarter than the rest of the kids . It sounds funny but it may take away alot of the pressure between the two of you . I hope I said something of value to you in this post . I'm no expert but I do know you and I were once teens making the break to make our own lives once too . I love my parents although they have both passed away and I imagine you love yours too. Cheers 
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I know how you feel. I don't think you are crazy. My situation i have a 19 year old son that just recently moved out and i can not seem to stop crying and feel like I have lost one of the biggest parts of my life. My story is long and it breaks my heart.. My son recently just made some horrific comments to me that i can not just forget. Maybe we can talk more. Hang in there. I am sure you are a great parent!!!
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As much as it hurts,tough love is the only thing that you can do.Your daughter was a thoughtless brat and bit the hand that fed her.Believe me,she NEEDS a dose of the real world.Maybe she has friends that she currently mooches off of,but that wears thin after awhile.It may hurt to not be contacted by her,but she thinks she knows everything...which she doesn't.Too many parents are caving in,allowing their children to live with them into their 20s,30s,40...often bringing a boyfriend or girlfriend along for the free ride too...and who gets stuck watching the kids of these mooches?!!!Grandma,of course,the only responsible one.It is an epidemic,and it's getting worse.I didn't approve of my son smoking pot...so he lied to everyone,said I THREW HIM OUT and moved in,Scott free,with a woman in her 20s!He is now 20,married and has a 4 month old daughter,but two years ago he hated me,wished I'd die,etc.Now when he and the wife want an evening alone...Grandma is the perfect parent and babysitter.
It hurts,but leave these kids get a dose of life,without money and support from you...I bet she will thank you one day.
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