Clinical depression is a state of sadness or melancholia that has advanced to the point of being disruptive to an individual's social functioning and/or activities of daily living....
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wanting to die
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i've ben having a lot of suicidal thoughts lately. I don't know why though. I always keep a safe staff of things 'in case' I need them is that makes sense. Sometimes I make differnt small cock tales to make me go to sleep, but I know it's not enough to kill myself.. But sometime the thoughts are so strong that I dont trust myself. My therapist knows and she thinks I have the resources ti reach our,,,but I don't think I do. I don't have any close friends and my famiyl isn't supportive and would just be hostile to me. I wish these thoughts would go away. I don't knw how much longer I can ask. I feel like such a horrible human being. I feel so understanding. I feel I deserve to be dead, but I'm scared to do it on my own. The thoughts were so strong tonight that I made a few cocktales with some pills but I know it's not enough to kill myself, just enough to me me sleepy, which I feel it now. anyways, whatever. I'm just scared I huess. Actually more numb. I wish I could have a positive journal entry, but I'm just being honest.y
Posted on 07/24/08, 04:07 am |
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Shoyo, do you have anyone who could help with your meds? A friend? An understanding family member? Do you live alone? I'm dangerous with my own meds sometimes too, but just too stubborn to allow someone else to administer them to me. I shouldn't be that way, though.
As others have said, talk to your therapist about this some more. If she doesn't seem to get it, scream it to her! If you are this depressed, maybe you're on the wrong meds. Oh and alcohol only makes the depression worse. I'm telling you this as an alcoholic who is going on three months sober. Please steer clear of the alcohol! It's really bad when you start mixing pills with it. Very dangerous! I hope to hear of you doing better ASAP!!! Please hang in there and demand you get the help you need. 
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