What is Depression

Clinical depression is a state of sadness or melancholia that has advanced to the point of being disruptive to an individual's social functioning and/or activities of daily living....

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In Category: Crisis Center
Discussion:
wanting to die
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i've ben having a lot of suicidal thoughts lately. I don't know why though. I always keep a safe staff of things 'in case' I need them is that makes sense. Sometimes I make differnt small cock tales to make me go to sleep, but I know it's not enough to kill myself.. But sometime the thoughts are so strong that I dont trust myself. My therapist knows and she thinks I have the resources ti reach our,,,but I don't think I do. I don't have any close friends and my famiyl isn't supportive and would just be hostile to me. I wish these thoughts would go away. I don't knw how much longer I can ask. I feel like such a horrible human being. I feel so understanding. I feel I deserve to be dead, but I'm scared to do it on my own. The thoughts were so strong tonight that I made a few cocktales with some pills but I know it's not enough to kill myself, just enough to me me sleepy, which I feel it now. anyways, whatever. I'm just scared I huess. Actually more numb. I wish I could have a positive journal entry, but I'm just being honest.y
Posted on 07/24/08, 04:07 am
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Reply #1 - 07/24/08  4:46am
" talk some more......dont be afraid to let it out. were here to help. "
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Reply #2 - 07/24/08  4:56am
" I dont know who to talk too:( "
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Reply #3 - 07/24/08  7:36pm
" I realy think you should talk to your Dr and get some real advice, don't play with your med's or you will turn into a pill head, and thats a bad road. So go and get some help, and go out and look for some friends. Baz "
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Reply #4 - 07/24/08  8:47pm
" im sorri u feel this way im feeling numb at the mo think its the increase in meds i dnt know wot time it is ther but i hope u av managed to get a gud nites sleep if u eva need to talk am ere to listen (loadsa hugs)

saz "
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Reply #5 - 07/24/08  11:00pm
" you should tell your doctor exactly how you feel and that you make cocktails of drugs. it could be dangerous mixing different drugs.
Maybe you need a anti-depressant med change or increase?
Are you in therapy to help you work through your feelings?
I hope you can find the strength to not hurt yourself. I understand the urges and helplessness all too well. I keep hanging on everyday hoping it will get better. Hang on with me!! "
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Reply #6 - 07/24/08  11:17pm
" SHOYO... don't lidten to these people that are telling you to tell ur doc or anything... fuck doctors.. what do they know? it's just book smarts and not on experience. you wanna know? seems like these guys telling u to seek some pro help is because they don't know how to handle it or what to say. i get a lot of em. all i can say is that i know what ur goin through. honestly. read my journals. i'm as fucked up as the most fucked up person here.... maybe more. i treat my suicidal thoughts as if it were a cough or a sneeze. what do you do when you get to the point of wanting to kill urself? works different for everyone. if u need a crutch, then find it. if u can't find one then ur as messed up as i am. i'm fucked these days.... but it's not like i don't remember the good ones. i feel ur pain. and i know that just saying it doesn't mean a thing. i don't wanna live either. but it's hard to take your own life. i know it is. and i congradulate those who have only because i know how hard it is. more than a million per year. so can you say it ia a norm???? fuck yeah!!! hang in there... i am. and i had multiple nights or days or whatever you want where i had been so fuckn ready..... i'm guessing there's a few churches on here that preach this site to get there congrigation to help "save" souls. fuck em. you gotta choose what u listen to. and choose what u don't. only u can lead ur path.... easy to say but hard to listen to. take it easy.. become my friend. i could use one.... another one... here. it's so hard to talk to someone you know. you know??? "
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Reply #7 - 07/24/08  11:32pm
" I see you have a lot of people that care on this site. Take advantage of that help and support. Also, what would you advise a friend to do if they were having these same thoughts?

Something to think about.

Take good care. "
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Reply #8 - 07/25/08  12:49am
" dont worry everyone will send you a big hug "
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Reply #9 - 07/27/08  1:59am
" Thank you everyone. i do have a therapist and I am on meds and they were adjusted but the thoughts are the same. my therapist is aware of me mixing my meds too.
Lately it's been getting worse. I almost downed a bunch of pills tonight, but not enough to actually hurt me. I'm really struggling at the moment so thank you all very much. "
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Reply #10 - 07/27/08  2:01am
" ((((hugs))))) please hang in there and be careful with mixing the meds. I'm worried that you could accidentally hurt yourself. "
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