Depression Support Group

It is easier sometimes. I lost myself in my Ex's "problem with alcohol" but after peeling away the layers of the onion, discovering my core, and crying a LOT in this process I see my pattern. In a healthy relationship wanting your partner to be happy is okay, with an alcoholic it is called "codependancy" because you can never make them happy. I discovered I started doing this at childhood with parents who never communicated their love; I keep searching for what would make them happy. Recently this analogy babbled out of me when discussing my moody renters, who got that way after I conciously stopped being "mom" last month..."It's like cake batter, and I'm there with a mixer, going faster and faster trying to fix them or make them happy, I spin myself out..the cake batter gets fluffier and bigger, but it's still Devil's food cake when I'm trying to make them into Angel's food cake! I can't change their negative energy into positive, so I press "Eject" now and walk away..focus on my own angel food cake." As someone who is a comic, entertainer, general goof and hostess walking away is hard and can be very very VERY lonely. I'm here. I understand. Loving ourselves can be a very lonely process. xox

JUST SAY NO..............

You know there is this GREAT book out there "When I say No I feel Guilty" It helped me a lot to remember to say "NO". Remember it's one thing to listen and another to solve. Try to keep that distinction... it's hard I know!

ditto...It was Atlas that carried the weight of the world on his shoulders wasn't it? I don't know. Anyway you're just one puny human with all you're own problems that should come first. Then worry about others.

I have a hard time with that, too.
I have learned to blend in myself with helping others, but there is still the step of taking care of yourself first. That is a matter of protecting yourself in a healthy way as well. Those who take advantage of us are very good at self protection. That may be one reason why we think we shouldn't, or don't need to protect ourselves, but we do.

I also struggle with helping others at my own expense. I am always trying to make others happy and worrying about myself last. I think I do it because I think need their approval or love. I wish I could stop the vicious cycle.

I feel that I am in the same predicament. I have to deal with my entire family's problems. They make me do everything so they can sit up on their asses and do nothing. They expect me to do it without complaining and I'm supposed to be alright with it. I never have time for my problems. It's alway somebody elses. I don't know how to deal with it either. I can't say no because then my problems multiply because of the way they act towards me when I do. It's happened before when I got fed up but it didn't help me.

(BTW, I have decided to stay at least for a little longer).