What is Depression

Clinical depression is a state of sadness or melancholia that has advanced to the point of being disruptive to an individual's social functioning and/or activities of daily living....

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I Have a problem of running away from every problem that I am faced with and it just leaves me even more depressed. I recently split up with a girl that I was madly in love with for the wrong reasons. I had dated her through college and all. We moved back home after school and I had to live with my mom and brother. My mother is sick and in a hospital bed. I was unhappy with having to take care of her and wipe her ass and having to deal with my brother's bull shit. I moved away with my g/f to Ohio. I was then unhappy because we were living in a disgusting place with her sister and her sister's b/f. We were also both broke because we had just started working and never had time to do anything together. I got bored and moved out. I then moved in with some random guy I had just met and slowly went broke due to my low-paying job and increased cost for rent. I ended up having to sell off my of my music equipment which was very important to me just to afford to live. I lost 20 lbs. in a month due to being depressed and not having money to eat. My g/f who was now my ex moved back to chicago and I had followed shortly after. I wanted to get back together with her and she does not want to deal with me changing my mind all of the time. So now I am living in very uncomfortable conditions again and I left the very girl who treated me like a king all because I didn't know how to read and understand my emotions. I am also jobless and broke again. Just this past weekend I went to Michigan to my friend's cottage and almost killed myself mixing drugs and alcohol. I didn't seem to care at the time, but when my body was trying to reject the alcohol, cocaine, and acid I had popped later in the night, and I couldn't throw up anything after trying to make myself puke, I thought I was honestly going to pass out and not wake up. I really didn't want to die, but I am scared that someday I might just get so depressed and end up actually killing myself. I don't regularly do drugs and drink. It is only when I get careless and depressed.
Posted on 08/14/07, 02:08 am
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Reply #1 - 08/14/07  2:31am
" What you're describing is called "avoidance". Do you tend to push loved ones away, go through unstable relationships. Are your moods all over the place, what's your aggression like?

Reason I'm asking is cos I have a wee bit of an idea what you're describing but need a bit more info "
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Reply #2 - 08/14/07  2:39am
" I have always felt like I have been perceived as the "bad seed" of the family. Others in my distant family have agreed to this. I feel like I am not very close to anyone in my family and that I just need to put myself away from all of the hostility between us. Then I find a girl that I can see myself marrying someday and I just mess up and push her away. I am not sure if it is, in fact, because there is something that I am not happy with in the relationship or if it is because I am just not pleased with my life in general and I just mistake it for being her that is at fault for me being unhappy. As far as my moods go.....I am sometimes unpredictable. I am most often very easy going and calm, but there are time when I can have extreme aggression. I have actually broken my hand many times because of this. My anger has never been directed at anyone else though. I would never hurt someone other than myself. "
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Reply #3 - 08/14/07  3:27am
" You have lots of fear, I think. You have to face it somehow, if you want to get out of this cycle. Also, there is a lot of discomfort in life you must endure in order to get anywhere in life and you can't avoid it because more is just waiting for you, everywhere. Practice being uncomfortable and tolerating it. This is a capacity we can develop to one degree or another. acceptance is another tool you can develop. Try and not judge yourself badly. I'm sure you can improve the situation. Coming on here and realizing it is your first step. Good luck. "
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Reply #4 - 08/14/07  4:33am
" Is that you in your pic?
You need to find something that makes you feel good. Make a goal for yourself, like, save money and move to a different state or country. You only limit yourself, no-one else.
Find a doc that is helpful and that will give you respect, really listen to you problems. "
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Reply #5 - 08/14/07  8:05am
" sorry but,
i think you need to learn about compassion towards others...i cannot believe how you explained your invalid mothers condition..( i am sorry ,but i just lost my mother in feb.of this year...i cannot describe how this feels..
i pray you can bond with her before she passes,or it will hurt you later.
and maybe looking at the glass 1/2 full instead of 1/2 empty.
you are very young, and will have to deal with so much during life...
things that you cannot run from.
sounds like you had a very sweet girl,and that she would have been good for you.
you didnt say if you were being treated for the depression, if not see your doctor and do that , and maybe some therapy?
stay positive there is a lot of help, and keep talking and journaling.
work towards healing, and not running away from things,concentrate more on inner peace,and dont worry about posessions , they are not important right now, your healing is the most important thing.
good luck,i hope you are feeling better soon.
joyce "
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Reply #6 - 08/14/07  8:24am
" He needs support not lectures or tales of worse to come or 'you only limit yourself'! I'm sorry but that's the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard, there could be a million and one things limiting him! Money for one, as he has clearly stated. J I'm so sorry that all this has happened to you sweetheart, please come and talk if you want to xxx "
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Reply #7 - 08/14/07  8:28am
" Please get off the drugs and alcohol now it only ruins lives especially the drugs. I lost my marriage/ husband to crack and cocaine and we could have had it all. You say you do not do it regularly but it catches you, you do not control IT. You are only self medicating to not feel what you need to feel. He didn't need help and still won't get it. Gave up a loving wife, home, job and a great life. Your not even getting there before you try. Stay strong, and straight, face it we are here for you. Drinking and drugs are depressents so if you are depressed you will get more depressed I know I have been there.... "
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Reply #8 - 08/14/07  8:35am
" mad,
make your comments and mind your own business, this is a discussion board,
if you do not know how they work..
we all lend our opinions,
i gave mine you gave yours,
sheesh!
i am only trying to help him,
did you hear him explain his mothers health! she is sick,
why con the guy, and let him feel bad if something happens..
anyway,
i am not talking to you!
and to the kid, i am sorry for this ,and hope things get better.
i would never try to hurt you or anyone else here, i just want you to see things for real, and get the help you need,and work towards happiness.i do wish you all the best, "
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Reply #9 - 08/14/07  8:40am
" Joyce you just totally contradicted yourself, yes I know this is a discussion board and yes I know how they work, like you said, I gave my opinion and you gave yours, minding my own business would kinda defeat the object "
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Reply #10 - 08/14/07  8:49am
" mad... maybe it'd be an idea to keep on topic... answer who's posting instead of knit picking at other responses... i for one agree with joyce... AND she'd NEVER intentionally hurt ANYONE... too many people tell people what they want to hear... not true opinions... who the hell's to say that your advice is better or more valid than anyone elses... "
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