Depression Support Group

You worry about what YOU think, and don't pay any attention to anyone else. I know that sounds so easy to say and impossible to do. It can be done. I had reached a point where I just didn't give a shi*. All I cared about was myself and my boys, to hell with everyone else.
As long as I knew my boys were safe, I could ease up on the focus on them a bit, and put even more on me.
To be honest, I didn't even care what my mom or sisters thought. I was so tired of trying to live up to some image or expectation that I, not them, ME, put on myself.
I expected myself to be the perfect everything and when I felt I wasn't my depression became so much worse. I resigned myself to the fact that I just don't care. It doesn't mean I don't love my family and friends, I do. I am not going to let their opinion(s) control the way I think about myself anymore.

Here is the thing- my low self-esteem is not only because others think of me low. But because often I myself DO. By the way if I get out of these thoughts and do staff, i often do more than I thought I could. The question, how do I manage deal with myself then?

Here is the thing- there is topic about 5 things that I am good, I feel that I cannot find even one. There is not to say I don't have them. But I cannot think about anything, most of the things I think are relative- I could say that I am smarter than some people, but I am so much stupid than some other people. I could say that I am teach better than some people- but some others do it much better than me...and so on.

Good question, well no... but at least as good as everybody else around me. Which I feel I am extremely not - right now. I feel that I am not good enough mom- since my daughter going to kindergarten for very many hours, that I am not always can prepare good food for her, to be authoritative instead authoritarian or negligent parent. I would like to be as good student as my friends and co-students are- but I can't, I failed qualification exam, my adviser left me as not good enough student, nobody in college in so bad situation. Even if I work extremely hard, as I did with my adviser and with the exam preparation, things are not always work. If I am not as everybody else- my self esteem doing bad ;-(.

Try and figure out WHO you are, what you believe what you're good at. What you like about yourself. Look deep, sounds dumb but really think about they type of person you are. If you don't like something about yourself try and change it. It takes time but with effort it can be done!

Well, I do know that I like to teach certain things- sociology of family or mental health. I like to drow. What I don't like- my inability to organize, my depression and low self esteem. I don't like my inadequate estimations- I think I do staff not bad, but others around do not think this way. I don't like to blamed to everything. I am not really sure how to change this staff.

Low self esteem, as well as low tolerance of criticism, sarcasm, etc. from others are all worse when you are depressed. To me, it is physically painful - like biting down on metal on my fillings in my teeth!! I had to come to a place in my life where I am now, that I had to realize, I COULDN'T do all the things I saw other people do - even the therapists I worked with did not see how much I was compensating, how hard I was working just to appear relatively normal. I always thought I was working harder than most people, but I couldn't see it either until I completely exhausted myself. It takes more than believing you can do something - you have to be ABLE to do it - and it takes more than knowledge. You also have to be emotionally stable. If I had to pick between my degree and my child to be good at one of them, I would pick my child, yes???

Starfish, well, right- the child should come the first. Yet my degree is in a way also for her- I will earn better after finishing this degree, being able to afford better food, appartment, education for her. I will be much more sure in my and her future, if something happanning with the marriage, which is not always the happiest thing.
So this my degree is not completely for myself.
You absolutely right, that the depression increases trouble to accept critique. And yes, I also feel, that for me a lot of energy is going only to pretend I am normal- put beautiful gown, commute to university, be nice to people, getting to work on my assignments, seating in classes- all of it when you just want to lie on your bad and cry.
The same with my daughter- I am getting to play with her, smile to her, prepare good food to her, get good habbits to her- all this when I would prefer stay alone and cry. It is extremely hard.
When the critique coming- yes, for my study they probably right I don't express my ideas convincingly and clearly, but it takes time to learn it. BUT it is so much hard- when people think of you that you are bad student or not doing enough, when you think that you are doing much more than you actually can.
I guess this gap- causes the trouble to my self esteem. And yes, I work extremely hard even to appear normal ;-(.

First, you have to find out what pushed or is pushing your self-esteem down. Took me awhile to find my real problem. Then you have to counteract that thinking.

thinking is a learned behavior..you just have to reteach your brain to think differently. so every time a negative thought pops into your head you have to dismiss it and replace it with a positive and eventually you will start believing the positive.