What is Depression
Clinical depression is a state of sadness or melancholia that has advanced to the point of being disruptive to an individual's social functioning and/or activities of daily living....
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Losing Love
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The love of my life, a policeman, let's call him Robert. He left this life Feb 20, 1997....his life taken in job-related violence when he was 40 years young.
Haunts my dreams to this day. He keeps coming into my dreams, I know he means well, and I have even explained to him life is diffrent now. I ask him to stay in his grave, but I keep going to his grave....I cry my heart out there. I love him so much and he was robbed of his life. Seems some things hurt forever. I was at a grocery store, shortly after he passed away...everyone around me shopping, I'm shopping. It hit me like a ton of bricks: Something is wrong with this life! Look at these people shopping when my man & his partner were gunned down, lost their lives to protect the community. Hello? Anybody hear my thoughts? Nope! They kept shopping, I kept shopping. Blackout. The friggin police picking me up from the floor....I had collapsed, cried my heart out on the floor. An ambulance there to take me to the hospital. I tried to gather some calm, explain my pain. The cops understood, they knew what happened...they were wearing black bands on their badges in honor of the policemen lost to protect the community. They allowed me to walk away, little dignity I had left at this point. I went to my truck, and NEVER returned to that store again. Robert keeps coming to me in my dreams....forever in my heart. Anyone else gone through this? I'm forever changed from losing the man I loved intensely. Posted on 10/12/08, 11:10 am |
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I lost my best friend/ mentor /father/grandfather all at the same time in 1984. I never new my biological father but my grampa served as my everything. Ya it still hurts he's gone! I used to see him everywhere but his face is slowly fading from my view. I loved him maybe with the same intensity but in a different way! I have never lost a spouse and I offer my heart felt condolenses he sounds like he was an unselfish caring man. Your pain must be horrendous I am willing to listen anytime and I promise to try and understand and ease your pain any way I can. ((((I'M SORRY)))) 
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Just me & my sis......I was able to blow up safely......She made sure I could not get a single phonecall, and we cried & prayed together. She straight-up said,"Nee is hurting, I'm her sister, and no one can talk to her right now"
She let a few calls past, people she knows, knowing the love between us.....I sat in my garage and cried with my life-long policewoman friend. We cried....a call I'm glad sis let me take. She was working off-duty at a nearby community clinic when the shooting happened....1 of the first to arrive on the scene....too late:( She was on the news crying, but she knows me, him, she's a compassionate person....what happened hurt many. The FBI shut the city down to apprehend the man who killed 2 cops. I think I better gain peace with the dreams,,,my husband used to accuse me of being in love with a dead man! TRUE!! *walks away*
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I love a dead man, absolutely! Sure!! He was good to everyone around him. He loved me.
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you sound like you had a wonderful love with someone here on this earth. he is still with you always. i am sure the memories of all the good times are heartwarming to you until this day. i am so sorry he was taken from you. my sister died at 32 years old. she was the same age as my own daughter. in a way she was like my child as i watched her grow up with my children. all the proms and cheerleading and ball games we all went to all those years together. when she died a big part of me went with her. i have prayed for these last nine years that she would come to me in a dream. she never has. it is strange that i can sit in the quiteness and i can still hear her unique giggle in my mind. i can still see her smile and her face so clearly.
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Thank you all for the love, and I'm soooo glad to know I'm not the only one with these dreams.
I used to go to the cemetery daily. My Dad told me this is not healthy...so I slowed it down...fewer visits. In fact I was last there in April, I lost my uncle and he was buried in the same cemetery...I had to drive past Robert to bury uncle with the family. Could not, would not leave without visiting him personally. Shed tears again, of course, The dreams have progressed to us hanging together. Last one, we shopped for new golf clubs for him. So disappointed to wake up.
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