Clinical depression is a state of sadness or melancholia that has advanced to the point of being disruptive to an individual's social functioning and/or activities of daily living....
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someone like that cant survive
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broke up w/ Brian - i will never have a long term relationship w/ anyone....i am not worth having anyway....all i do is hurt people...i have seen so much that i don't know how to handle the things that happen in my daily life...the arguments with my grandmother and the emotions that i am not allowed to express so they build and build til i cant handle them and they come out in dangerous ways...im hanging by a thread...everyday i am hanging onto life my short threads and i don't know how much longer i can stay and be able to cope with the way i feel....the anger and hatred i have for myself is eating away at me.....there is nothing inside but each day i feel less and less needed, and more worthless to the world around me...i guess i had a lot of choices of what to do back when all this started but now i have made all the wrong ones without the guidance of my mom or dad...ive spiraled down into a deep black bottomless whole where there isnt any light, just darkness, pain, suffering, torment, betrayal, anger, self hatred, violence and death.....those things make up who i am....and someone like that cant survive....
Posted on 07/20/08, 09:07 pm |
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this is a weird advice but go sponsor a kid. one of those "for the price of coffee you can sponsor a kid today.."
you can write to him and stuff and they send you pictures and updates he needs it badly (u of course know the feeling of desperation?) and it will help you too! 
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you may feel like you're helpless now, but can you take baby steps to change your situation or at least make it easier to handle. Can you live one day at a time fixing things one small step at a time..... I think it's worth a try.
Are you seeing someone like a therapist or doctor?
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I sympathize with how you feel. I am sorry things are not working out. You are very young, and don't know how to change life to go the way you want it to. It is learned. Everyone who lives learns how it is done. When you have life management skills, you start to win and life is good. You are nineteen according to your profile. If you have a job and health insurance, talk to a counselor about your emotional feelings. If not, look in the phone book under County Mental Health Services. You may need professional help to get out of depression. We can suggest ways to get help. It is almost impossible to handle it alone, .. make a means to a treatment plan. You can have a wonderful life.
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