Depression Support Group

Funny Headlines


Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
[imagine that!]


Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no, really?]


Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that's taking things a bit far!]


Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[not if I wip e thoroughly!]


Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy!]


Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]


Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[see if that works any better than a fair trial!]


War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can s ee where it might have that effect!]


If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

[you think?]




Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

[who would have thought!]


Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police suspect Homicide
[they may be on to something!]


Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]


New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[weren't they fat enough?]


Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]


Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]


Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]


Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]


And the winner is....


Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

******


Did I read that sign right?



In an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER......
PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW


In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT
GOES OUT


In a London d epartment store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR
FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN


In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE
DRAINING BOARD


Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLE S, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR
WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?


Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS


Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR


Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE
1ST FLOOR


< SPAN style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.


On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T
WORK)


Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity
and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to
(maybe even a chuckle).
We all need a good laugh, keep on smiling!
Posted on 02/23/08, 11:02 am