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Adoption
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Hello all....I really need some advice from as many people as possible....Here is why..
My sister is pregnant, she is 22 and this is her second child...only problem is, she doesnt want the baby. She was looking into abortion, and i am so against that, but she went to the doctors today and they told her she is too far along to get one....so now, her other option is to give the baby up for an adoption, i am for this because atleast the baby will be able to live....Now here is the hard decision, my sister wants me and my gf to adopt the baby! Now let me start off by saying that me and my gf are only 21 ....we live on our own, we're not poor, but we're not livin the good life either! Now when this was bought up, i was all about it, excited...because i would have a child of my own and i know in the long-run me an Amanda would want kids, and adoption is wayy to expensive...so this sounds like a chance that shouldnt be passed up....right? Well then i got to thinking about what it really would be like raising a child...it sounds fun, but i know my freedom would be gone an out the door...that seems to be the only big problem i am finding with this whole situation...i really want a kid, and i really want my sisters baby to stay in our family...and so does everyone else...the more and more i thought about it, the more i got freaked out....just thinking of all the responsibilites i would have to take on, but then i think "Hey maybe this could give me and Amanda a chance to really grasp the meaning of being responsible" i just dont know what to do, i would really love to have a kid of my own, i just adore kids and there are some things that are holding me back like "What im going to tell him when he is older and wondering why he has 2 moms and where his dad is" and i also dont want him to find out that my sister is really his mother, ya know? just alot of thoughts going through my head right now and i really need some advice.....So let me know what u think Thanks... Posted on 01/22/08, 07:01 pm |
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My opinion is that it would be better for the baby to go to another family. What is the reason for keeping it in yours?
It will indeed be confusing, because make no mistake, that child will ask all the hard questions. it could be very hurtful for him or her to find out who their mother really is, and why she didnt raise him/her. Also, it could be very difficult for your sister to stay out of the raising...or also it could be painful for many years to come when she has to spend time around the child. People manifest guilt and fear in ways that can be very damaging. Think long and hard about the motivation for keeping this child in your family. Also about your willingness to put in 24/7 time and worry and money for the next 18 to 25 years. 
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I think if you are going to adopt your sister's child the first thing you have to know that is raising a child nowadays is not going to be "fun", it's serious business and it is forever. Being a parent is hard but when it's right, it's right. You and your partner really have to be commited to that child and everything that goes along with raising a child. I hope that you and your partner think very carefully before you decide what to do, because this is a life long commitment but a great one if you decide to do it. Children are the greatest gifts of life...it's not always going to be a piece of cake--I should know I raised my son on my own with no help. But along with all the work and difficulties I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love my son--we've had our differences over the years and there were plenty of bad times but the good times really out weigh the bad by alot. As for telling him or her about the adoption, the reason he has two mommies is, I would tell him the truth. Kids adapt to all kinds of things these days. And it's no different then having a mom and a dad--he won't love you any less. It doesn't matter to kids how their families are set up as long as you just love them...by the way, I do know a little about this, my grandmother is gay and it just doesn't matter to our family--she and her partner love us all and we all love them both back too.
Good luck with your situation, you need to follow what's right for you and your partner in your heart of hearts. I hope I have helped just a little bit.
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I like how Chritine put it. It would be very confusing for the child. Eventually the child would ask alot of questions. And you are very young to take all this on. It is admirable that you would want to do this but don't feel that you have to. You will have other oppertunities to have chidren in the future on way or another. My advice? adopting out of the family. Hope this helps.
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adopting out of the family would be my advice as well..will your sister be able to do this? I mean adopt outside of the family, it would be in the best interest of this child I believe.
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I would also like to say that I feel out of family adoption would be best unless you are going to prepare yourself for the questions to come like.....ie why didnt my birth mom want me but my other sibling? But on the other hand you are only twenty one and I had my daughter young, I was only twenty and I wouldnt change that for the world. In my eyes it gave me the oppurtunity to grow up and be active and young enough to keep up with my now active six year old, my very active two year old son, and my three step daughters that live with us full time. Its a hard choice to make my best advice would be to follow your heart.
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my mom never knew her real dad. he was an ass mom but her stepdad is great bough her house made sure her kids have her own dad never cared
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My heart is telling me to do it, but my head is telling me to really think about this.....Our main thing is that we dont want the baby out of the family....My main reason for offering to take this baby is because, im sorry but there are alot of wackos out in this world today, and i know if this baby would get adopted into another family, i would wonder everyday if he is getting the right love and care he needs and if his parents are treating him good...I just know that i would wonder for the rest of my life about this kid
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Dont keep the child in the family so that you dont have to be inconvenienced by wondering. Adoptive families are thoroughly screened, interviewd, and investigated. That reason is in your best interest...not the baby's.
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It would be confusing later in life. You have your heart in the right place as far as wanting the baby to stay in your family. The child is a part of you too. But, would your sister one day turn around and want a child again and try to cause problems? There are battles between adoptive parents and the bio parents all the time. I would suggest talking to a professional about this.
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