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Living in fear
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In my recent post, "New to this" I talked about my dad's breakdown a couple of weeks ago and my upcoming visit to see him and my family. I discussed my feelings and fears about seeing him. Well, now I've returned from my trip and although it was good to see him and offer my support, now I feel a whole new set of fears creeping into my mind.
My mom was diagnosed as bipolar years ago. And although she's been on meds for a long time and has started back to therapy, I can't help but to feel like it's a case of "the blind leading the blind" when it comes to her and my dad. I know that pretty much everything my dad has to work out and they have to work out as a couple. But I'm terrified of my mom feeling like she can't support the both of them, emotionally. My question is, how do I let it go and live my own life? I live 600 miles away and find myself wanting to call and check on my parents every hour of the day. My dad is in outpatient therapy and my mom is still working....But I can't stop fearing my dad relapsing and my mom COllapsing. Why is that I feel like the parent now and that they are the children?? I'm trying not to feel selfish, but I just got engaged and I'm so excited about my upcoming wedding and starting a family of my own....But it's hard to feel happy in my own life when I'm constantly worrying about what's going on back home. Thanks for any thoughts and help you can offer. Posted on 05/14/08, 04:05 pm |
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This is all natural, of course your worried. Your parents mean everything to you,by all means call them once a day or if they are on the net then write. If your mum is going back to therapy that means she needs it and it will help. Your dad will get better as long as he has help, maybe some couple councilling may help. Congradulations on your engagement, I hope you will be very happy. All I suggest for now is be honest with yourself and parents and partner, voice your fears and express your concern. You will be there when they need you yes? so try not to worry too much your a lovely person ok? If you want to talk to me, You will find me here ready to listen. smile. 
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Thanks, tonelowe! That's exactly what I just did on the phone with my mom....And she told me that my dad was driving them home! This is a huge step....Anyway, I feel much better. Thanks again!
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You need to live your life. It sounds like they have good resources to draw from and engaged on that front. I know this will sound cold, but you need to disengage a little and not be responsible for them. I have had to disengage from my 33 year old son who just attempted suicide. I am supportive, but have set some boundaries. He needs to leverage the therapists in his life. I'm his mother not a shrink.
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