Dementia is the progressive decline in cognitive function due to damage or disease in the brain beyond what might be expected from normal aging. Particularly affected areas may be ...
|
I AM SCARED AND ANGRY AND NEW
|
Watch this |
| View More Posts Ignore |
My mom and dad were married 65 years and one and 1/2 years ago she died suddenly. My dad has never recovered and shortly after lost his brother , best friend since he was 5 and 6 months ago on the phone the doctor`s office told him he had the start of dementia after an exam ON THE PHONE! I blasted them . He is on Aricept and I am experiencing a rollercoaster of depression, verbal abuse, rages, and blame for things I have not done. It seems to come and go. He is 90. and he is still DRIVING. I live with him and I get no help just threats from my sisters that I better not endanger his license. He has had 4 accidents this year. The doctors , insurance companies are doing nothing. I have no legal rights in my family. They treat me like a bug. I am trying to do my best and have a therapist and am trying to educate myself but I was getting very ill. I must make a life for myself. Am I a bad daughter? My father did a lot for me at one time but often this person is not my father. I miss him, I know this is an illness but I often take it personally. I am angry my sisters just call and deny everything and don`t want to hear anything. I need this roof over my head right now but I am working toward leaving. Everyone in my family will hate me when I do leave. I have tried my best and it`s never good enough. I read your posts and I know it won`t get better. I am doing my best .I don`t know how people survive this? I am so scared.
Posted on 07/04/08, 12:07 am |
| 7 Replies | Add Your Reply |
| View More Posts Ignore |
It is really very hard, but regular people find themselves in this position every day, and they make it through, and you will too.
One common thing that many caregivers experience, is that relatives don't understand and don't help, and sometimes even are critical. Try not to listen to them - they might only be trying to justify their inaction by invalidating your perceptions. Many older people have only one real caregiver. Some have none. One is not really enough without that person getting all burnt out - so realize that you will not be able to do everything or do it perfectly, unless you destroy yourself in the process, and even then you cannot. Take care of yourself. Easy to say but hard to do. Start with little things, like make sure you eat right and talk to a friend for fun twice a week. 
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
First thing you do is call the Alzheimer's Association hot line. It is open 24/7 and they will not only give you good practical information, they will also help you when your emotions are all messed up. The phone number is: 1.800.272.3900
You might also want to talk to an elder care attorney. It is possible that since you share the home that you actually do have some legal rights to what is going on.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
It's easier to deny you dad has a problem than for your sisters to admit it and try to help you. It's called 'DENIAL.' A social workder told me that a lot of relatives who don't help are on the longest river in Egypt--De Nile. Bad joke! Seriously, you are in danger of a burn out. I think I'd get a migraine and demand one of those sisters come over and stay while you go to the doctor (or a hotel someplace) and rest. Maybe then....Do talk to an attorney. You need every bit of help you can get. I'm so sorry you are having this problem. Wish I could be of more help.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I would ask that he be taken off the arecpt I have heard of several that it does not help. My brother in law had to be taken off of it he did the same things. The depression the rage was awful. When he was taken off he calmed down again. There are other med that he can take. I would throw a fit until he was taken off. I also would consider changing doctors.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I would not take him off the meds. medicine works differently for all people. for example my mom was given a dosage of 50mg and that took a lot out of her she slept alot (up to 20 hours at a time) she would not eat alot, she could not hold her head up. and she lost about 8% of her body weight. in this state you would think she was dying slowly. but wheny the reduced the dosage down to 25mg she bounced back. now she is gaining weight, she's eating better now, and gaining weight. from this example you can see how the the effects of medicines can vary.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I definatly agree with ImAstar you should definaly should seek a elder care attorney. I had to with my mom (our court date is the 17th of july) then i can pay her bills. as for the driving I'm supprised that the doctors and insurance companies wont help. If you have to talk to the police in your town. I think they can make your father retake his drivers test.
and if you need help taking care of your father go to your states government web sight and seek out help from the eldercare section. one last think make sure you take care of your self. if you have to hire a nurse or an aid to watch your father while you relax for a couple of hours away from home. take care.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I know what you mean about feeling guilty. After dad's first big stroke I started driving him to church every Sunday. I loved spending time with him and doing things for him. When he started making ugly comments I started dreading it. I felt so guilty but I would HOPE he didn't sleep well so that he wouldn't want to go. He has said such ugly things to me that I find myself detached from him and it makes me so sad I want to cry. I miss my daddy. Now I am focused on supporting my mom. I can't imagine having to live with him (like you). You deserve a break. It isn't fair you are the only one burdened with his care. I hope your sisters get a dose of reality soon. And, I pray that God gives you strength in the meantime. More hugs.
|
|
|
|
||
I am panicking and burning out. After living with my dad for several years . First I was sick and my mom and dad let me …
Hi everyone I'm new here. I'm 24 years old and my father has been diagnosed with dementia. I'm finding it difficult to …
Hi I am new to this board and need some help. We are taking care of my husbands father in out house. We wait on him …
