Dementia is the progressive decline in cognitive function due to damage or disease in the brain beyond what might be expected from normal aging. Particularly affected areas may be ...
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Nursing Home Fears and Anger
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My Father suffers from dementia and was always a private but demanding person. He refused to accept a diagnosis of dementia and for years refused to take any medication at all. Doctors could not force him as he still had an amazing way of passing all their tests and talking sanely during visits and then would go home and the paranoia, anger, repetitive talking, thinking people stole things and needed constant attention. I'm single and 47 and have to work full time. I've been caring for him and kept him in his home while this has progressed for almost 10 years. He had a really bad spell and thought he was having a heart attack and was admitted to the hospital. They discussed his dementia with me and said he needed more care and started him on anti-depressents (father has taken them if I'm there and keep explaining is for mini-strokes and will help him keep his heart calm). I had to take him to a nursing home as he really can not care for himself any longer and I can't possibly be there 24/7 and afford to live. The nurses are very nice, but the noise and strange surroundings are bothering him and triggering episode after episode of issues. Yesterday he thought someone stole his pillows and I had to show him 10 times where I wrote his name on these, but he still doesn't believe me. Today they had him eat in the diner area (bad idea) and he had words with another resident. He now thinks they don't know what they're doing, that he's in harms way and wants to get out of there immediately. I had to drive an hour out there this morning to settle him down, but he still is upset. I know he's sick and I wish so badly he could find some peace. He is a very intelligent man and does not want to live this way and my heart breaks constantly thinking about what we face.
I think he's somewhere in stage 6, but his body physically is so healthy that I don't think it will give out any time soon. I can't bear the thought of what lies ahead as I'm so exhausted already. I don't sleep well at all, my head is spinning constantly and I'm worried about the toll this is all taking on the rest of my family. I'm his main care giver, but they come from so far away as much as possible to help, but their health is not very good either. Does anyone know when it's time to try anti-phycotics if needed and what this will do? He just has such strong paranoia and is so fearful and overwhelming and he looks so exhasted of fighting all this. How can I help him find some peace? Thank you all, I'm so glad I found this site and others that feel just like I do. I wish you all peace and better days ahead. Posted on 06/08/08, 01:06 pm |
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I've recently put my Dad in a nursing home. They gave him clonazipame for parkinsons which made him sleep so soundly they couldn't wake up thus a trip to the hospital removing him from the nursing home after 3 weeks of adjusting. His parkinsons has reached the stage which includes dementia which has been very difficult for myself and one of my oldest daughters to deal with because we don't understand it. When he was in the hospital he hallucinated for days then the dementia set in (again, bad). Sometimes we swear he's yanking our chain to make us upset and other times we believe he really is demented. He'll yell obscenities at us whereas he used to be a loving father and grandfather. Accuse us of stealing, say everyone is the enemy. Really awful hurtful things, pretend he's smoking, I could go down the list... He seems to be sensitive to anti-psychotic drugs so we are researching some mentioned on this website to use. Thanks for this website. Until tonite I was beginning to think it may be us that was crazy! Now I know my dad is truly in need of help. He truly is melting away inside his brain. I just don't know how to deal w/the anger and hurt I feel about it or the thngs he says to us. Any suggestions? God bless you all. 
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Believe it or not, all of those symptoms are pretty common with dementia. I know that what he is saying hurts, but it is really the disease saying it.
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Oh how I can relate. After years of trying to figure out if my Father was just becomming bitter and mean, I started reading and researching everything I could get my hands on. I know he's really not to blame and needs help. I think men are so full of pride and are even more challenging in this way at times.
I can only offer a few helpful things that have worked for me. I have several doctors that work on his medications together, neuro/psych/general and I had to learn that these take time to show response. I also come fully loaded when I visit him with a lot of topics to jump in and change the mood with as quickly as possible when things go south. This can be tough as he doesn't like to be interupted, but you have to sort of slide into the conversation and direct it. The swearing, stealing, all of this is very common. He's still in there somewhere, but this desease is awful. For me knowledge is power and I'm trying each day to just find one simple nice memory or event to overshadow all the bad ones. Hang in there. You're not alone. I wish you luck in your journey and come here often to find ideas and people to talk to.
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we all wish we had the physical health of my xhusband. i know i am going to have to place him in the nursing home soon and i have so many issues over it, i need to be able to go on with my life and it makes me feel so selfesh. it also keeps me in a depression. wishing you the best
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