Dementia is the progressive decline in cognitive function due to damage or disease in the brain beyond what might be expected from normal aging. Particularly af...
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How do I Handle This?
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Mum and Dad had been planning to visit for some time, in order to help me decorate my flat. The plans to re-do the kitchen, bathroom and spare room seemed pretty ambition to me and I was concerned as to how we'd go about it. Well Mum (who has the dementia) was doing her best to help. She turned out the larder in order to clean the floor, but lost track of what she was doing and left the room leaving me to clear up. That in itself was no problem - she had a very short fuse this morning and I just didn't know how to deal with it myself. I gently suggested to my Dad that perhaps she'd be better off back home and I'm feeling guilty about that now. I had to go to a meeting early this afternoon (I'm looking for work at the moment) and when I got back, things were absolutely fine. Mum was back to her old self again. Dad said to me that we just have to go with the flow. Has anyone else had similar experiences? How do I handle situations like this?
Posted on 05/15/08, 05:05 pm |
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Sounds like Dad is the main caregiver. He is right. You go with the flow.
As for suggestions, I suggest that you follow his lead. But now that you've seen your mother during one of her bad periods, you need to be there if HE needs help. 
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I agree with ImAStar.
you have to go with the flow. she was having one of her bad days and believe me there will be more. you'll have to cater to her and play along. i went throgh this with my mom but with me there was no one to help me. i learned to go with the flow.
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I know what your going though. Its not easy but it can be dealt with. I just try to keep her focused and remind her what she was doing. Your going to have days when you just want to screem. Your dad is the main caregiver. He needs to have some time for him. This takes alot out of caregivers. You don't want them to burn out. Just guide your mom though, remember she doesn't no whats happening either. Please keep in touch. God Bless
Terrie
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I am the primary caregiver that was going to the burnout stage terrie98 spoke of. Besides my mother's early stages of dementia (forgetfulness, poor judgement in making financial desisions, paranoid, sometimes difficulty reconizing me, and resently imaginary friend), my mother has high blood pressure and eat very well when I am at work during the day. I couldn't get her to agree to wear an emergency alert, agree to move when there is a cluster of her children live, or to let me work from home. So, about six weeks ago my 26 year old nephew moved in with us. This does give me some relief and freedom of mind while at work -- he was there when she set off the smoke detector while cooking last month and was there last week when she got dizzy from too high bloodpressure. But my problem is she has become even more childish competing for my attention and complains about the extra expense my nephew causes when we go out to eat.
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Its not easy being the caregiver. You need ato allow yourself some time. They don't know what is happening to them, My mom often asks me "Whats going on with me? We have to watch her, she is a fall risk, and has survived 2 bad falls. We need to remember the way we take care of them , is hopefully, the way we would want to be treated. My mom always tell m. We all walk down the same path.
Be Blessed. Terrier98
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Don't feel guilty about wanting her to leave. That is a normal reaction based on not knowing the ins and outs of her illness. I agree, just let it go, follow your dad and give him some time out. Make sure that if you give him a break and let him have some time to himself, that you portray the time he was away as going just fine. Don't give a blow by blow account or tell him anything you are worried about. Until much later.
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I agree with all. It is hard getting used to the 'flare ups' mom has, and what is worse is how it goes from frantic 'i couldn't find you' to the calm 'i wasn't worried about where you were' in the same conversation. but I keep telling myself, this too shall pass. AND IT DOES!!! Don't forget when you're ready and think you can handle it take the reins from dad for a bit, and give him a breather.
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Thanks to everyone for your advice and empathy. I've taken everything on board and will keep it in mind. Thanks again.
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