Dementia Support Group

My mother was just diagnosed with vascular dementia yesterday. It happened very quickly. I, too, am a Christian. I know the Lord is with me, but I have never felt so alone and afraid.

My heart goes out to you both. My husband was diagnoised last June a week before we moved into our garden home thinking we would retire and travel. Well it sent me spirling for a while and I am a Christian also but we have emotions and it is OK to be sad and grieve the loss of our loved ones. You might want to read my last two journal entries they might help you. I am here and have a listening ear. If it wasn't for having a support group I don't know how I would have henadled things as well as I have. It does take the strength of the Lord to get through every day. I will say this I would not take a million dollars for where I am today with the Lord and with my husband. My love for him has deepened and I am so thankful. I do not want to go through this again but I am thankful for where I am at now. May God Bless you both and give you His strength, insight and grace for each new day. Hgus & Blessings

One of my Dad's doctors has recently added dementia (probably vascular) to his cocktail of medical issues. He currently lives alone and , as his only child, I'm the one who is trying to juggle all the balls regarding his needs. It is extremely difficult to watch a loved one decline before your eyes.

You did not mention if your husband was on any medications. There are several out there that can stabilize his moods and most importantly keep YOU safe. His behavior is due to the dying brain cells relasing chemicals in his brain. Really you need to look into getting him on an antipsycotic to improve his quality of life and stablize his moods.

I FEEL FOR YOU EVERY WAKING HOUR. MY MOM IS 91 AND HAS HA THIS DISEASE FOR OVER A YEAR. SHE YELLS, SEES PEOPLE, AND INSISTS SHE HAS BEEN HIT BY PEOPLE ON TV. I'M STEALING HER MONEY. I LIVE WITH HER. PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THAT SHE IS NOT HER SELF. NOT WHO RAISED YOU. SHE IS OR WILL BE RETURNING TO WHERE SHE LIVED MANY YEARS AGO. PATIENCE, REMINDING YOURSELF THAT NOTHING SHE SAYS OR DOES IS NOT PERSONAL. IT IS IMPORTANT THAT YOU MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF. YOU NEED A PRIVATE PLACE TO GO. IF YOU WANT TO VENT...I'M HERE. THINKING OF YOU

I just responded to Cleo2205 earlier today about her father who has just had testing done to determine his diagnosis of dementia. He doesn't recognize his wife--thinks she's some stranger (a man)among other symptoms. They are starting to see the agitation and anger as well. My advice was to get back to the Dr. and push for help. Waiting 2 weeks for the results to come back is not acceptable, when the afflicted person is lacking control over his thoughts and actions. You know he wouldn't willingly or knowingly harm you, BUT this illness takes away his ability to act knowingly. Most likely he has an awareness that something's wrong; feels threatened by what he can no longer understand; and as a result is angry as well. Anything that happens will not be because he wants it that way. There are medications to help with the anxiety, and some can be of help in clearing his thinking to a degree. Even if changes in meds have to be worked out later, you need to insist on medical help now.
Though you've already been caregiving him for awhile, you're just getting started on getting professional help. I had to learn what I tell you now: Ask questions; refuse to be sidestepped or put off. When waiting for results must happen, allow a reasonable time, then prod for the answers. Drs. are busy people but you are a part of their business.
There is much to be done, but you will get to it in time. At the same time it is vital that you take time for yourself. If you don't you'll burnout and then you won't be able to take care of him. Come here to vent. Come for sdvice. Come for a hug, or to give one. We'll all get through this with strength from each other. rocasi

my mum was diagnosed in jan this year she had to be sectioned as she had terrible thoughts she thought mt father was having affair she kept using language so foul she had never used before she thought everyone was poisoning her htere were loads more things it has bee so terrible time for all of us. However with strong medication this has stopped the thoughts although physically she has deteriorated drastically big price to pay as now can hardly walk talk and sometimes incontinent. At least here on this site you dont feel alone and there is always someone to listen even if they send just a hug u feel a little better. My thoughts are with you . Big hug xxx

Hi, I am also the new kid on the block when it comes to dealing with someone with dementia. I am only twenty years old and going through one of the hardest situations i feel i may ever be faced with. My grandma was diagnosed with dementia about three years ago, but it was in the very beginning stages. This is the woman who has raised me and made me the person I am today. I feel like she has become a completely different person. I have never had to go through anything as hard as watching her become someone she isnt. She refuses to eat regular food, and when we force her she tries and hides it in her pockets. Its almost as if she is a young child. When you ask her what is in her pockets she pretends like she has no idea what you are talking about. But i wonder if she really doesn't know? It seems that the only thing we can get her to eat willingly is anything with sugar. She will eat French toast, donughts and cookies all day long if we let her, but its not a diet that is able to sustain a person in a healthy manner. When we try and have a simple conversation with her, or ask a basic question she laughs and turns around like you never said anything to begin with. I am just so upset and hurt because I feel like there is nothing I can do to help her. But I dont feel like I can just sit back and slowly watch her go. Shes now progressing to further stages where she has been forgetting who people are, and names. So far she has not forgotten me or my voice, but the day that occurs will be one of the most devastating days in my life. My grandmother means the world to me, but the disease is not only taking a toll on her but the rest of our family. My grandpa who is her primary care taker is aging quickly and is also worrying me. He has told me he doesn't know how much longer he will be able to handle taking care of her, and I would not be able to place her in a home. One of my main concerns is her saftey. There is nothing we can do or say to make her listen. She is still driving but in my personal opinion shouldnt be. I worry that she may get into a car accident and hurt herself or even worse someone else. As we have been trying to slowly take away the car keys and limit her to driving only when someone is with her, and in only local areas she breaks down into a tantrum and tells us that "driving is her life." I guess I wanted to join this group to share feelings and hope that there is someone else out there who is feeling the same. Thanks for listening, it really means a lot.

Judy76 and Kate04, this appluies to bot of you and all of us here dealing with loved ones with dementia. Talk to the Drs. and push them for information. Contact your Social Services and Senior Citizens Service Agencies; Area Agency on Ageing, etc. Find out and sign up for all he help you (your loved one) might qualify for. If your loved one is presenting problems with eating appropriately, take control of what they have available--they can't eat cookies they don't have. Cookies can appear on the table by their chaior when they are watching TV, on as a snack before bed.

Driving is a huge issue. I just went through this with my hubby and he still isn't totally settled with the fact he has no license, can't get a new one, and we no longer have a vehicle. But if he were to drive and had an accident he'd never be able to deal with the consequences, emotionally.

When your loved one gets aggitated and angry and lashes out, they are not able to control their actions and can hurt themselves or others. They won't mean to, but as a caregiver you have to be prepared to deal with such behavior or place your loved one in an environment with personnel who can. About the time your hubby (Judy) or Grandma (Kate)bean you with their coffee cup, or deck you because you won't give them the keys what are you going to do? This can happen. If you let them drive and they go to the store and don't come home what are you going to do?

Come to this site, and check out the caregiver discussion as well. Vent. Ask for advice. Know you're not alone. But, in order to help your loved ones--get every bit of help you can finds. Take care of yourself so you can take care of them. And remember that even if/when it comes to the point of putting them in the care of others, you still will be looking out for them--to have the best care possible. Hang in there. rocasi

I'm new too. My mother lives in a different city and refuses to give me the names of her doctors. She keeps saying that her driving is fine when I know it is not. She is going to end up squandering all her money but when I mentioned this to her old doctor, she suggested that I was trying to get my mother's money. I just want her to be able to take care of herself, as I can't afford to. I'm going to read what the good people here have written and see how to get started.