Conduct Disorder is a pattern of repetitive behavior where the rights of others or the social norms are violated. Possible symptoms are over aggressive behavior, bullying, physical...
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DID WE Do THE RIGHT THING ?HELP PLEASE
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my boy freind has had on again off again cusdoy of a child he was led to belive was his son, the child is now six, and we just learn in oct 2007 this child was not his this is our story. please let me know if u think we did the we righ thing, because right now we know in our hearts we did the right thing for him but it hurts us. we feel fusrtaighted, missunstood and angry.
we where friends for along time before we dated, in fact we will only be dating 3yrs this coming feb. while he was the seveice he met someone and they had a child "to getter" so he thought, things didnt work out. he was still in the severice and while on leave one weekend am at his parntents house and she called him to say you can he your son i dont want him anymore, its your problem (he was 6 weeks old at that point).no heard form her for over a yr. my boyfriend had 2yrs left in the service at that point and his family and i help him raise this baby while he was gone,(2001) he and were not dating at that point we were just very good friends. he got out of the sevice in (2003) and and had cusdody until he was 2 almost 3 when she regained cusdoy of him, we started offical dating when "his" son was 4 yrs old. the 1st weekend we were in the condo and had him she called an hr before she had to pick him up and said" i have two plane tickets to fl and i am not coming back he yours u deal with it. we didnt hear from her until (2005) she wanted him back. the court gave him back to her and she had him the summer of his kinagrandern yr going into fist grade. when we got him back in sept of 07. nowq here where are story just gets wores. then in oct of 07 we went to court to treminate her rights to him, however she told us he was not the father and his ex- boy in law was, his ex borther and him took a dna test and his borther in law was the father. to make thingsas wores his siter has a son with this man and has an order of proctection for both her and her son because he ihas tryed to harm them both. he also has 2 other childern and both of thoses childern he lost rights to because he was abusicve to both them and their morthers. so he cant ever get cusdoy of this child. however he will not give him up . she is willing to only if the state was willing to give him to us. they took him out of our home becuase we had no leagal rights to him because we are not his parnets, then they gave him back to us in nov of 07 because they had "trouble finding him a home" while he was at school 2 weeks ago he told i classate i am going to kill u" and they called who ever the need to, i got a phone call from dsfy sayiong my son was in childerns hospital inphilly. and i had 2 vists with him and hthe one he was all hugs and joy the ottherhe was very voilent towards the both of us and told he hated us and and didnt want to be our son. the state had been given us the run around, and tit got to the point were i was ready to break, i told the case workers that on fri 12/14that i need to know were we stood if i take him back that is it he stays with us for good, and if we r not getting him lweet us know . this vist took place on thurs night they let him out on pass... after we took him back i gave him a kiss good by so did my boyfriend, we sat down with the case worker and she asked were we stood with teared filled eyes i said am sorry i cant give him what is is going to neeed. and i love enough to let him go to a ffamily who ccan, i have been crying since thurday. and in addition to this in the middle of it all we were dealing with all of this: his morther passed away in jul 05, i lost the baby in aug of 05, we lost my closest cousin in nov of of05, his grandmorther in jan of 06. then we lost my grandmorther to cancer in june of 07, we found out on a weds and the nextrt mon she was gone. i hope that people can understand that this was the hard thing for us to do, and everyday i feel like am the worest morther i n the world for making this choice, am fustraighted,hurt misunderstood, and i worry that others think we are bad and worng for our choice please writ me back and let me know what u would do, and if u think where bad, mean, rotton people for making the choice we did. i need alot of supporet and hugs right now, if all my friends could be their for us it would be great. Posted on 12/17/07, 09:12 pm |
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we are very similar in our situations and all I have to say is you know what you can or can't handle, you know what you have to give and what you don't, you know what your experiences are with this child and you feel how you feel and you can't change that. I have a 9 year old step son that I have raised for 8 years and the mother is the same... it's like there was NO maternal bonding or concern for her child it's weird... but then again my step son has that disassociation with everyone as well so perhaps the mother has conduct disorder as well... either way... this is SUCH an emotional battle and I TOTALLY understand. I watch my step son be a horrible example for my 3 year old, I can't trust him to not hurt my 3 year old or us for that matter, he is out of control and how do you discipline a child that feels no remorse or boundaries? Our situation is ripping our family and marriage apart as well and I am so emotionally drained from one day having hugs and smiles days with my step son then the next minute he hates me... I can't handle it either and we have decided that either we get a divorce or he goes to his mother's and to someone who doesn't know our situations that sounds so heartless and horrible... but just remember... you feel how you feel and if you pretend things are fine when they aren't you will make yourself literally sick over it, it sounds horrible but at least you have the fact that this isn't even his son... we aren't able to handle it and that's that... you have to forgive yourself and the situation and realize this is how things are no matter how bad you feel this is how things just are. I don't think you did the wrong thing and I totally sympathize and relate to you. HUGS 
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