Conduct Disorder Support Group

My ex & I have been divorced for about 12 yrs.....we live about 5 min apart & have always parented our daughters 2gether. We have a 20 yr old daughter,she's married and has a baby. We also have a 14 yr old daughter 2gether, then each of us have a younger child; both are 10 yrs old but different relationships.

My "parenting partner" has to goto Mexico frequently for his work. Our 14 yr old primarly lives w/ dad but obviously when he's away on business, she stays with me. Her father recently had 2 goto Mexico for 10 days and cut his trip short to come home due to our daughters behavior.

Our daughter had a drastic change in grades this year. I spent the entire year communicating with teachers via email on what assignments were missing and what tests our daughter failed. She barely made it out of 8th grade with a few C's and D's...normally she gets A's and B's. Her attitude in school and about school sucks ! Plain and simple. Her father and I will sit down with her for hours helping her with homework if she doesnt understand something, we attend conferences, PTO meetings, all school functions, etc. We invest alot of time in our daughters education. Unfortunately, she doesnt. She has become disrespectful to her teachers and authority figures in her life. Mostly her dad and myself.

Since we parent 2gether, we consult eachother when allowing our daughter to attend something or go somewhere with friends. Honestly, she doesnt have the best judgment when it comes to friends but that opinion him and I limit to discussions between us. We would never tell our daughter that!

To get back to the behavior, our daughter "thinks" she's an adult and "thinks" she can speak any way she wants to her dad and me. When we told her that we were gonna change therapists she tells us that she "refuses" to go and we can't make her ! She'll lie to me or to her dad and when we talk and compare notes, we both sit her down and talk with her to get to the truth. She's sooooo manipulating. She spent 3 days telling me she was gonna slit her wrists if I didnt give her her cellphone back. I honestly couldnt sleep one night with her in the next bedroom thinking I was going to find my child laying in a pool of blood and dead ! When her dad and I talked with her and asked her why she says that she told her dad that she just does it to "get into mom's head" ! We both told her that if she honestly felt that way that we would drive her to the hospital right now and have her admitted into the psych ward for help.

This last dramatic episode, her dad and I decided that major changes are happening. We kept her cellphone indefinatly, she has a 1/2 hour time limit on the home phone. We took away computer privilages, pulled her out of softball and instead of spending 2-3 nights a week sitting at softball games, we got her into more intense therapy that will be sessions 2-3 times a week.

Even after taking away her privilages, the defiant behavior continues. We can ground her, not let her go places with friends, take away allowance when she lies about doing her chores, etc......nothing phases this kid !

My daughter truly needs help and yet so do I. I feel like Im running out of strength, patience and Im tired of being manipulated. I feel a lil resentment towards my 14 yr old bcuz all of her "issues" is taking away time from my other children and grandbaby.

Any advice ? Im open for any suggestions and Im very desperate !
Posted on 06/09/08, 12:06 pm