"Coming out of the closet" describes the voluntary public announcement of one's (often homosexual or bisexual) sexual orientation, sexual attractions or gender identity. Being "out...
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I'm in love with my friend.. and I'm straight
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Well, like the title says, I am sooo in love with my friend "Carrie". I've always had a question mark about my sexuality my whole life, even when I was 3 years old but i've been telling and convincing myself that I'm straight for years, until recently. I met this girl "carrie" through my best friend. We also play softball together on different teams, so we officially met while I was on 2nd base. Things at first were friendly, we would see each other at softball and she invited me to her birthday party and thats when the crush started. First, some background info on her: she has a boyfriend of 1 year who she is "so in love with" and she works with my best friend. After the party, i couldnt get her out of my mind and thats when i first started having feelings for her. I would look forward to seeing her at softball, when before that, I was more focused on the game than her.
A few weeks after her birthday party, she invited me and my best friend out with another girl (a confirmed lesbian)to a gay bar. I was just focused on her all night and once we got settled in, we all started dancing in a group. Then I made my way behind her and we started dancing together for a while. We took a few breaks but every time we went back on the dance floor, things got a little more intense. She would grab my hands and put her head on my shoulders. Then, out of the blue, she turned around and started kissing me and I was like "holy cow, what just happened". After a few make out sessions on the dance floor and bar closing, my friends went home like nothing happened and I was left with all these feelings for this girl that i dont know what to do with. A month since it happened, I have seen her only 3 times and thats whats killing me inside. I've seen her at softball twice (and her boyfriend rrr) and at a party last week, that totally did not go the way i planned. This love has made me very depressed and moody, especially towards family and at work. I'm not the same person I was, and I am definatly not the same person around her. I just wanna see her more and for her to get to know me better. I'm leaving my softball team to join hers just so I can be closer to her. I cant talk to my family, cuz "i cant be gay", I cant talk to my best friend because she makes fun of me for having this crush. Her boyfriend seemed to understand a little about having feelings for someone you will never have in a million years. What do I do??? How do I get through this and over her?? Posted on 07/20/08, 09:07 pm |
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Love is tough. Convincing yourself your strieght must have been really hard on you, especially if you love another girl. Her having a boyfriend must have hurt; a lot. I know the feeling of having someone stuck in your mind. Its horrible and amazing all the same and I as well know the feeling to be eager to see someone. Its really sad when someone takes something as fun and you take it so seriously. Like your whoel life cold revolve around that moment and they will probably rarely remember it. Love has the affect of makeing people depressed. I have changed as well because of a forbidden love, or rather a love that will never be. Leaving baseball teams to be with her..and makeing changes just to talk to her is like shes running your life. The best thing is to try and move on. I cant believe im saying this becuase Im in the SAME position. Im pretty much cancelling ANYTHING and EVERYTHING if it means seeing this guy but I know he runs my life and that Im never going to get over him this way. Honestly Im still in the process of trying to figure out how to get over love as well. If you message me maybe we could get through it together? =)
GL 
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ok. so i grew up with this girl on a home-town swim team. i've known her since i was about 7.
and i've always admired her from a distance, because i knew i was bi when i was about 6. so, a few months ago i started to become better friends with her because we started going to this same club. and we started hanging out a lot more. so i start falling for her. and really crushing on her. and one night she admits to being "bi-curious". and she kissed me. she doesn't have a boyfriend, so i really had my hopes up after that. and she kept seeing me for about a month before giving me the cold shoulder. somewhere in the midts of us both being out of town for about 3 weeks and not seeing each other, she'd decided that she wasn't bi or gay! so, instead of talking to me about it, she tried to ignore the fact that we'd even been dating! so, even tho i finally confronted her, and she finally told me what was going on. i STILL can't get her out of my mind. i want soo bad just to see her, hold her, and be with her again, but i know it's not likely going to happen. so, my best advice to you is to be careful. don't hand over your heart and expect them to not drop it. as sad as this is, a kiss doesn't mean as much as it used to. i'm only 16, but i remember the days when a kiss was love, not fun. a kiss may mean nothing to her, even if it means the world to you. so, talk to her. tell her what you're feeling and just ask what's going on. because even tho i feel like crap after breaking up with abbi, i feel a lot better now because i know what's going on and what to expect. not knowing for a long time is a HELL of a lot worse than the possible heart break.
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For someone like myself who crushed on someone for 8 years only to know by the end of the last 2 years I had to let go of my feelings and see her get married, it is best to move on as suggested by vonni. My life was on halt for reasons of hypothetical love that may or may not happen. In the time I was blinded by "love", I wasted precious energy in getting to know other people or doing more productive things.
My heart hasn't recovered in general about my feelings about same sex crushes for I still have them even at work, which sucks even more. And just the fact that this feeling of what we think is love should feel wonderful instead it just feels like crap...and makes me feel down. But I have to accept things as they are. There is a lot of work of acceptance within myself before I think I'm ready to look for real love in someone I know will reciprocate it. You deserve to be loved by someone who loves you as much as you love that person. I wish you all the blessings in continuing that search and healing :)
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What I meant by "wasting precious energy in meeting other people" I meant to say was I wasted my time on one person that hardly was really there for me emotionally and ignored the possibility of meeting new friends or connecting with the old friends I had. I isolated myself in my blind love for this person and what did it get me?....
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