"Coming out of the closet" describes the voluntary public announcement of one's (often homosexual or bisexual) sexual orientation, sexual attractions or gender identity. Being "out...
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Came out to my mother.
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Ok so a few months ago I told my gay aunt that I'm bisexual because she's the only one I could think of to go to and I needed to tell someone in my family. And because I wanted her advice about how to tell my parents who I don't get along with as it is. She old me to tell my mum first and then ask her what to do about telling my father who is very loud about expressing his views againts gays, lesbians and bisexuals. So I told my mum and she asked me how I knew and I said that I just did. She told me not to tell my dad at all and that was it. No discussion about it at all. She actually didn't talk to me for 3 days after that. I told mu aunt and she talked to her. My mum went off at me for talking to my aunt about our family buisiness. She said that she didn't want it getting out that her daughter 'wasn't normal'. I don't get how she can have a gay sister and a gay brother and seem to be fine about them but hate what I am. It doesn't make sense. I feel even worse now that it seems its reflected badly on her relationship with my aunt. And yesterday I got home to find out that my mum had told him about me. He went crazy, I had to leave the house. He said that I was nothing but a slut, and that I was never to tell anyone else.
I don't really know what to do, my brother who I usually get along pretty well with wont talk to me, my mum wont even look at me and my dad keeps telling me how he wants me to change. Yes it all sounds dramatic but I feel like an outsider in my own house. Any one got any advice?? Posted on 07/19/08, 12:07 am |
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Hi Lozzie,
So sorry to hear about your current situation. It must be making you feel terrible. Perhaps your mum needs some time to get used to the idea of having a bisexual daughter? I told my mum back in 1999, and her reaction was: 'It's University that's doing it too you', and another classic: 'It's a phase'. I told her that I had struggled to come to terms with my sexuality for the most part of my teens (nine years exactly) so I wasn't expecting her to be completely fine with it after ten minutes of letting her know. I even offered to move out for a while. I was so upset when my mum said she would think about it -- I didn't understand why she would need to think about whether or not I would need to move out. Anyway, the whole situation was totally messed up, and I spent the following weekend in bed, crying and generally miserable. My point is that she told me not to tell my dad, for the same reasons that you point out above: he was very loud about his views re. anyone who doesn't conform to a roman catholic lifestyle -- gays included. It was all horrible for a while, but my mum got used to it with time. She is now COMPLETELY accepting of who I am, as are my sisters. My homophobic dad??? He turned out to be not so homophobic after all. After an initial period of freaking out, he too came to terms with it. He even suggested that I could bring back people I picked up in nightclubs if it took my fancy!!! I understand completely the feeling that you are an outsider in your own house. BUT HANG IN THERE. It'll work out!!! Hugs to you. 
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I just want to add that I feel your pain with your dad's initial reaction. Initially, mine told me to f off and that he didn't want to see me again. But things changed, as I said above in my message.
BIG MASSIVE HUGS AT THIS DIFFICULT TIME!!!
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wow, that's really rough. and yeah, it's hard to deal with. i haven't told my parents yet. but i have had to deal with some serious rejection and some serious drama (one time it ended in bruises and a hand print dent in my car hood!)
but moonpup is right. don't expect your parents to be all right with it right after you tell them. even a few days-weeks after. you have to give them a chance to go though all the stages of emotions. 1. denial 2. blame 3. anger 4. realization 5. acceptance so, you're mom sounds like she's moved to anger and your dad hasn't hit denial yet if angry was his first reaction. and your brother is probably in denial right now. but, after they've moved through the stages they'll be easier about accepting you. just give them some time. and, look at it this way. at least you have other gay family members for support. a lot of people don't even have gay friends for support when it comes to this kind of thing. :]
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I felt the same way, only my cousin was the gay one. I asked for advice as well and he was really helpful. I didnt however ask him for advice on coming out. Im not ready and he advised me to wait until im older, but im only 15. Thats harsh of your mom telling you not to tell your dad... I would hate my mom ignoreing me and not talking to me becuase of a choice Id chosen to make. Thats something im really scared about for when im older. Your lucky your aunt talked to her. I would be SO mad if my mom got mad at me for telling though. Its YOUR buisness and you have the right to tell anyone you want. You are totally normal, your mom sounds horribly misunderstanding.... Maybe she has had longer to accept her brother and sister's gay lifestyle? If thats the case then she'll come around eventually for you too. Ive never heard someone call a gay person a slut before...thats quite harsh. Its not your fathers decision who you tell, its yours. Its horrible that your family is so un accepting.... Maybe you could go live with your aunt for a while? Just to figure things out? Then your family would get space as well to think about things and take in the things youve told them?
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lozzie, i'm so sorry to hear that your parents didn't take the news very well. maybe they will in time, but until then u live for yourself and do whats best for you. noone can make u change your mind and noone can live your life. if u ever need to chat just hit me up o.k. till then take care of yourself girl.
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Your dad is meanie head and should eat a hamster. I am sorry for my rude language but your family sucks, no offence.
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