A "codependent" is loosely defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for other people's struggles.
Codependency advocates claim a codependent ...
|
Police
|
Watch this |
| View More Posts Ignore |
I've recently realized, after a lot of reading, that most of my problems
were related to codependency. So I'm wondering if the following is as well. I seem to be an easy target for bad guys. I don't know what it is about me that makes people think "ooh, I can do whatever I want to this girl and get away with it," but that's the way it's always been. I'm constantly the victim of people who violate the law, and nothing ever gets done about it. Here is a brief summary of what I've been through: -After 17 yrs of being physically abused by my father, when he busted my lip one day and I finally had the proof I needed to do something about it and I'd had enough, I called child protective services. After telling me they'd remove me from the situation, they changed their mind and decided to just "have a talk" with my family instead. Knowing I'd surely be killed as soon as they left the house, I had no choice but to not go home that night. My friend, who saw my lip, wouldn't allow me to (her words) and kept me at her house that night. The following day I was reported as a runaway by my parents and picked up by the police, who wouldn't listen to my story, or even look at my lip, and drove me back to my parent's house. -In college, in FL, my most prized possession, my 84 Trans Am that I worked for since I was 12, was run into in the parking lot (causing very bad damage to the worst possible area of the car). I tracked down the car that was parked next to me that day, hoping they might have seen something. Low and behold, they had matching damage on their vehicle and had run into my car while turning into that parking spot next to me. This girl had also stared at me the entire time I was getting into my car the day the damage was done (I didn't know b/c it was on the passenger side). I called the police, showed both vehicles, mentioned that only her and one other vehicle were parked next to me that day, and that she was staring me down when I got in my car that day. He claimed that if she didn't have a police report for the damage to her vehicle, then that would make her look bad. For 2 wks she avoided the police calls, and then finally just denied it (w/ no police report for the damage to her vehicle), but the cop didn't want to pursue it and said I couldn't prove it. -In Ohio, I had my car parked downtown by some very expensive condos. I came outside to see two security guards looking into my car w/ flashlights. It had just been broken into a couple min earlier. My wallet (which I very rarely left in the car) was in the glove box hidden away. There was nothing out in the open to make it an easy target. There were tons of high end, expensive cars parked all around. He stole my wallet, an electric dog training collar (worth hundreds of dollars), my checkbook, and a hunting knife. He was witnessed by the security guards, on tape at several gas stations using my credit cards to sell gas to people. Used my credit card online to buy something from a website (giving an address), I even saw the guy myself at the gas station but didn't realize it was him till 2 days later. Yet NOTHING was done again. -Shortly after that I was moving out of an apt I shared with my first bf. The lease had expired 4 months earlier. The bf was staying. The crazy landlord lived below. She went completely ballistic when I was moving and changed the locks so that I couldn't get my stuff (the reason she gave the police). By law, the police are supposed to force entry since this is an illegal eviction. They did not. She then withheld what she suddenly considered my "half" of the deposit (also illegal) without any given reason in writing (also illegal). She made several illegal entries to the property without notice, and without anyone even being there. Long story short, she legally owed me thousands of dollars for all the laws she broke (which called for restitution for the victim), also, would have to pay for my lawyer if it went to court (as per 3 laws she broke). 6 months later, after my ex had moved out, she decided to sue ME for damages (there were none, and we had pictures as proof). This is also illegal, how can you sue someone that wasn't even the last person living there, for damages??? Her anger and hatred towards me in particular was completely out of control and obvious to everyone, including the police who responded the day she locked me out. (BTW, I had to climb a tree to get onto the balcony to get into my own place to get my own stuff! Which the police said was totally legal since it was my legal residence). Anyway, long long long story short, not only did she get away with illegally withholding the deposit without reason, but was also able to sue me for an additional $250 (out of the $5000 she was trying for), and court costs. She didn't even have to pay me the MINIMUM that the law states she owed me for the various laws she broke (and admitted to), nor the lawyer that 3 laws she broke stated she'd have to pay for. It was the craziest thing anyone had ever seen. -Another time, I was driving down the hwy when some moron tried to sideswipe me. Then chased me down the highway for a few miles, followed me when I got off. He got next to me at every red light and would scream from his window (I didn't even look at him or acknowledge his existence). Then he'd get back behind me and follow me. This went on for at least 20 minutes, all over town, while I was on the phone with police. I ended up doing circles and this guy would still follow. Finally a cop came and pulled ME over, letting him get away! -When the first ex started seeing the nut job he's with now (she's bipolar and on meds which clearly don't work), she began stealing his phone when he wasn't around, using it to find my number, and calling and texting me threats. She then figured out where I lived (with my grandparents temporarily) and found their house number and called that in the middle of the night, hanging up immediately. Then would immediately call my cell (sometimes she would do this at 2am, waking up everyone). Then she'd either hang up, or say something really weird or not understandable, and then hang up. This went on for close to a year. She even managed to figure out where I worked, when nobody knew, NOBODY. I don't know if she followed me or what. But she called that number as well. She called and tried to get me to meet her to fight her somewhere. I never talked to her. The only time I ever said anything to her was that time she tried to get me to fight her, and I responded with "you need help, and I hope you get it" and hung up. And she still did this for months and months. Sometimes she'd call back to back to back, not saying anything. I finally had enough, took the text threats and all the proof I had and filed a report. Got a letter saying "not enough evidence". How is a direct text message, threatening you, with a time stamp, date stamp, and from phone number, not enough evidence? How much more could you possibly get?? -Then the psychopath I dated for a few months, when I moved out of his house he decided not to allow me back in to get my stuff. Kept whatever he wanted and threw the rest outside. (read journal entry for entire story). He forged my name on a change of address form to make it appear that I didn't live there, so that he could get away with this. Which is a federal offense. The police wouldn't help. Even though he had a gun and threatened that if I brought anyone to help me pick up the stuff that he was allowing me to have back, that I'd get NOTHING AT ALL. -Then the most recent, this weekend I was jetskiing. Came back into the boat ramp where there was a line of boats waiting to get back in. I waited my turn and then pulled up to the first available ramp. Pulled all the way forward and tied my ski up. I was about to step off when suddenly there's a trailer coming at me. Some moron is backing his trailer right into me. I'm yelling and flapping my arms, finally he decided to stop, INCHES from running over my jetski and I. Then he just sits there... Someone went and said something to him, he still sat there... Then finally he gets out and goes "you need to move". I'm like "no, you need to wait in line". I pointed to all the ppl waiting their turn and told him the order. Then I went to get my truck, come back around and this moron is still parked half way down the ramp. His wife then comes up to me and tells me to move again. Everyone is standing there in awe of these people. Then this woman starts to UNTIE my jetski and move it!!! ILLEGAL!!! Everyone's like OMG!! Someone told her she couldn't do that, she responded with "I'm not going to hurt it" and moved it to the back of the dock. At that point I was calling the police. Coincidentally, a police boat happened to be coming by. I told him the situation. By this time, the moron had managed to maneuver his boat around my ski, but continued to block the ramp. In total, he blocked the ramp, and held up the line for about a half hour (I get my ski out in about 3 minutes). The police just talked to both of us and said it was a "misunderstanding". I then called my grandpa (a life long boater) and told him the story. He says I should press charges for them untying my ski. So I called the police back and the cop was like "it's not illegal if it's in your way". So by his logic, I could just jump in this moron's van and pull it off the ramp, since it was in my way and I was there first? So I looked it up in the Ohio revised code and sure enough, it's a 4th deg misdemeanor to untie anyone's boat, even if it's tied to YOUR dock. But again, nothing was done about it. I want to know why I'm continually the victim of these ppl. Why is nothing ever done? Does anyone else have this problem constantly? The only time I've EVER seen the police do anything, and got justice for something, was when I DATED the federal cop that got the stalker psycho ex put away. So do you have to date a cop to get your rights protected? Why do we pay $1000s in tax dollars a year to have all these American rights that are supposed to be protected when nothing is ever done? Unless you're getting stabbed, raped, or shot at, nobody is going to help you. But you can't take matters into your own hands. You're just supposed to continue to be a victim and put up with it. This is why ppl snap. Sorry this is so long...needed to vent. Posted on 09/02/08, 06:09 pm |
| 21 Replies | Most Recent | Add Your Reply |
| View More Posts Ignore |
You might not like what I say but it is a common codependent problem and it is only my opinion and it might be wrong.
It sounds to me like you are making the big mistake that many people make in trying to control other people through using or even mis-using the police to fight your own battles. Other people can call the police and you get into trouble, but you call the police and every one frowns back onto you. The reason you keep being the victim your self is because you do not have personal boundaries that protect your self by your own power. Boundaries = http://store.cloudtownsendstore.co... The police are very experienced in such things and they will not fight your battles for you. The law will not put other people in jail or treat others like criminals just because you want to control them. The police are not here to fight our battles for us. It is a control issue for codependent people and you need to put realistic boundaries onto your self. This is just my opinion, and I am only basing it off of your post above and my own experiences. Peace. 
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
i'm only expecting the police to enforce the laws. that's not unreasonable at all. I am setting boundaries by not allowing these law breakers to victimize me and get away with it. I do the right thing and call the police. it is their job to enforce these laws and we spend a fortune in taxes for our rights as americans. however, when these rights are violated, and laws are clearly broken, like in the examples above, I expect my tax dollars to go to work. fighting my own battles, or taking matters into my own hands (vigilante justice) would make me a criminal as well, although it would provide great satisfaction, and teach these ppl a lesson, I would lose my security clearance, and therefore my career. so I opt to do the right thing and let the police do their job enforcing laws.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I'll be honest, it doesn't sound like asking the police to prosecute abusive fathers, enforce reantal laws, deal with stalkers and at least cite people breaking laws and endangering others is "mis-using" the police.
Yes, it is natural for Co-dependents to want to control other in their lives, but when laws are broken and people are abused, the police should get involved, co-dep or not. I completely understand the fustration you are feeling. You are taking positive steps by realising where your problems come from and, as time goes one, you will be able to focus past what people didn't do and see what you DID. The best advice I can offer is to focus past the things that happened, take power for yourself on the things you CAN do and not drive yourself crazy on the things you can't.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I certainly am NOT suggesting for anyone to break the law. And calling the police is NOT setting a true healthy personal boundary.
What I do mean per your top post is like this: 1) When you were 17 years old then you had the choice - the boundary of not going back to your family of origin, but instead of making that boundary your self you called the "Child Protection Services" and so you gave away your personal power and your boundary over to the Law instead of taking it your self. A 17 year old does not have to live anywhere they do not want to except that you did not stand your ground. I am not trying to pick at you but just trying to explain what a boundary means and that boundaries are real. A twelve (12) year old that feels they do not want to live with their family of origin can not be forced to stay there if the 12 year old can stand their ground - hold their own boundary. They have two feet and they can walk or run and they can not legally be tied or bound. So a 17 year old is over the legal age of concent. If you had your boundary of self protection then only you are the boss of your self, and the police and the Social Workers know that too. That is why it is called a personal boundary because it means controlling your own life. http://store.cloudtownsendstore.co... People might not like this stuff but we need boundaries in order to protect our self. The 17 year old did nothing wrong - the 17 year old simply had no boundary. The police and Social Workers are not our boundaries. And the other story having your "Grandpa" telling you to press charges for some one moving your "jetski" is saying that you surely got your mixed up perspective from your family - that the police are there just to enforce your demands - and they are NOT. When you leave your "jetski" in the dock in the way of other people then moving it out of the way is a sensible and reasonable thing for anyone to do. That you would think that the police needs to ticket or even arest some one for moving your stuff out of the way of public access is expecting way too much. This really is a very common codependent perspective - that when one has no personal boundaries or weak boundaries, then you try to get the police to be your enforcer as the way of controlling the other people. You have a problem with control issues and trying to be in control of others when you need to take control of your self. The police are NOT dysfunctional. The police do have problems like prejudices and unjust laws and such as that but not dysfunctional. We all need healthy boundaries and that will fix your problems completely if you create them and do them correctly. When I was young my codependent Mom called the police because our neighbor's dog was threatening us young kids. She did not call the neighbors and she did call the local Sheriff Office and so the neighbors got incredibly angry and resentful that afterwards our families became bitter enemies ever after. So we need to make nice and healthy boundaries and use the police and the Courts as a super last resort. Therefore I am agreeing big time with your first sentence of your first post, and the answer is YES to the second sentence. Boundaries, boundaries, we need boundaries.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I don't know what country you're in, but here in America, the legal age of an adult is 18. You have no right to do anything until then unless you go through the court system and get emancipated, which you would need a lawyer for. I called the CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES because I was legally considered a CHILD and they are there to protect CHILDREN from abuse. That's what our tax dollars pay them for! I was picked up by the police as a runaway because my parents reported me as such. Obviously they wouldn't have been able to do that if somehow I could just leave at 17 as you suggest. I left AS SOON as I turned 18, and became a legal adult. Anything before that is considered running away, or CLEARLY I would have got out sooner. I even tried to join the military to get out (which you can do at 17, WITH PARENTAL CONSENT, since you're still legally a child - and of course my parents wouldn't consent).
Second, like I mentioned, and maybe you didn't read, but it is ILLEGAL to move a boat. I will quote you the exact law in the Ohio revised code. It's common sense that you can't move someone's watercraft or other vehicle, it would be like if I moved your car because I felt that it was in my way. ILLEGAL. Ohio Revised Code Title 15: 1547.92 Prohibited acts. No person shall knowingly: (A) Damage, remove, or tamper with any signal, buoy, or other aid to navigation; (B) Sever the mooring lines of, set adrift, or tamper with any vessel that is moored or tied up on the waters in this state. Effective Date: 06-13-1990 This is a 4th degree misdemeanor. You can't even untie a boat if it's tied to YOUR own dock! So until you know the laws, I suggest you don't tell people that they don't have a right to call the police to enforce them. That's their job. People that have no common sense, can't wait in line like the rest of us, and have no consideration, are the reason why these common sense laws are written. I could have been a moron like this guy, and just jumped in his van and moved it out of my way, since I was there first. But I had the common sense to realize you don't do that. And there were other boaters there telling her it was illegal to untie and move my ski. You're confusing rights with control. American's have rights that we pay handsomely for. And those tax dollars are so when ppl cross the line and violate our rights, and break the laws, something gets done about it. That's what this post is about. I'm not out trying to control people or I would've taken the law into my own hands. I'm simply standing up for myself when people violate my rights.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Well in all of these cases,I think you did the right thing in bringing your complaints and concerns to the police-kudos for having the strength!!
BUT,my question is this. Did you settle with the first policeman to take your concerns and after that not pursue it further? The trick that helps most of the time,is going up the chain of command UNTIL you get results better at addressing the complaints. You don't have to date a cop to get results,but you do need to be persistently forceful until they take your situation seriously. If THAT doesn't help at all,then your best line of defense,is tell your story to the media. Now a days media and online sites like U tube are a great venue for getting out your frustration and valid complaints. I know in my husband's case,when he got jumped by a group of teens(and hit with a baseball bat),a week later I contacted a local newspaper and told one reporter the situation. It turns out he took our case and many others and addressed the issue of bus station cops needed to curb group teen attacks and murders. It highlighted the fact that teen gangs are out of control(especially when a few teens have been killed by them too),and the mayor decided after residents complained to beef up security!!! It goes to show that you don't have to feel alone or unheard. Hugs,
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Get some 1 on 1 therapy to deal with these issues.Were not victims unless we allow people to victimize us.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Good idea with the youTube. I've thought about the media but never thought about youTube. I did call the police back afterward, after I was encouraged by others to press charges. But as usual, they weren't concerned. I have heard that you need to work your way up the chain but have never taken it that far. It's frustrating that you have to try so hard to get them to do what they are getting paid to do anyway.
When my car was broken into, I called the detectives repeatedly and nobody ever answered the phone or called me back. I talked to one detective and she transferred the case to another and I never spoke to another human. I went to all the gas stations myself and talked to the owners, looked for witnesses, watched the surveillance tapes (but they weren't allowed to give me copies), called the company he bought stuff from online with my card and tried to get the address he gave (but they weren't allowed to give it to me, criminal rights and all), I did EVERYTHING within my power as a civilian. There is only so far you can go on your own. They're not allowed to give you anything useful. It's just beyond frustrating. Cleveland is particularly bad for this. The PD is understaffed and there is high crime. So if you're not being shot at, don't bother calling them, and even then it's iffy.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
You need to really work on yourself and get those people out of your life, see a therapist that you can trust to work on these issues,then someday you will be able to pick out a healthy relationship for yourself.They are out there if we do the work.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
ya that control thing isnt easy to let go of.....
|
|
|
|
||
| First | Previous | Page: 1 2 3 | Next | Most Recent | Add Your Reply |
Today I woke up and got ready and went to Alex's uncle's with my mom, we ended up going to the grocery store and I …
Please read my post "what am I going to do?" from the 31st! for better understanding of where this post is …
Well, I was inspired to write my life story by a friend on daily Strength group online in hopes it does help someone in …
