Codependency Support Group

Hi-in what sense do you mean detach? Do you mean letting go of the emotional baggage, or do you mean practicing detachment in spite of the emotional baggage?

oh, I mean, just trying hard not to jump right in and a)solve his problems and b)take care of him before me- I find that I still do it-that controlling thing you know? I have to let go of it. I find that it is the hardest thing realizing that we cannot control what others do or how they feel. Growing up in an alcoholic family and then marrying one really destroyed my self-confidence and this has been the hardest part for me, just thinking that can I actually be loved for who I am and not forcing someone to love me-wow

I see what you mean. Yeah, letting yourself understand...and I mean REALLY understand that you are not in control...that's the hardest realization. I think you're on the right track already, just being aware of those tendencies in yourself. I'm not sure that we ever get it licked, so to speak. I think it's something that we have to always be mindful of, and possibly reevaluate in each new situation. Like an alcoholic is always an alcoholic, whether on the wagon or off it, I think we're always codependent.

Have you met any nice men? I joke with friends that I've never even dated one ( a nice man, I mean, lol).

i think the best course is just to take some time away from romantic relationships. it helps with the tendency to allow another to define who we are.
it helps us to know and understand ourselves better.

once we get a bit of health then we make better choices....

otherwise, it really doesn't matter what man we are with, we continue doing the same thing for the same reasons and wonder why we have ended up with the same man!

it is not coincidence, eh?
hugs!

I'm divorced and dating too, I know exactly how you feel! My ex and I stayed friends and detaching emotionally is the hardest part, I still want to take care of him and solve all his problems. I think it takes practice, really-I keep repeating over and over "his choices are his own". Good luck, lots of support and hugs to you-I can definately relate!

I agree about taking time away--I think the hardest part for me is that I was married for so ling and for the most past my marriage was loveless and my husband was running around. So the thought that there might be someone out there that I could love and could love me well, you know. Stinks-