What is Codependency
A "codependent" is loosely defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for other people's struggles.
Codependency advocates claim a codependent ...
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I feel sooooo awful
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I do not feel good right now at all. Last night my boyfriend told me something that was eating him up for about a week. He broke into my email accounts and my online phone statement. We're in a long distance relationship and i cant believe that from two states away he did this. All online!
What he's mostly mad about are some emails that he read where i was venting to one of my girlfriends when i was having a really hard time in the relationship. And so as when we all vent we say all the things we need to let out of our system and he feels sooooo hurt. I dont know how to feel i feel soooo numb. The only thing i can do is think about how to make it better for him even though he violated my privacy. I feel like this is my state of co-dependancy. i just wanna fix it. I just wanna make it better. I'm so use to putting my feelings aside in this relationship to try my hardest to make things better for him. And i dont know what to do. Please i need support and advice! Posted on 07/17/08, 08:07 pm |
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You know, sometimes there IS a victim. Sometimes someone DOES do something that crosses the line. Sometimes someone does VIOLATE a basic human need, i.e. privacy. And while we all snoop to a degree I can say that we also all have a reasonable right to privacy in our conversations with our friends and family whether they be in person, on the phone or via email. AND, sometimes someone's sneaking suspicions, i.e. the cheaters show mentioned, that are well founded. BUT sometimes it is nothing more than an avenue to exert some control when they feel out of control.
Frankly, most of us find what we are looking for when we go snooping and if we don't we find something else that upsets us. The truth is that as codependent as I am I can say I have never once checked my husband's email nor do I search his wallet or his phone. Those are his items and he should have a REASONABLE expectation of privacy. Any VIOLATION of this expectation in my opinion would make my husband a VICTIM. 
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This is more his problem than yours. What I mean by that is he felt insecure enough to not trust you. And in so doing, he violated trust in the relationship. Everyone vents to someone about their relationships. Where I believe we co-dependents (me especially) make our mistakes is not being truthful with the person with whom we have a relationship issue. Now that he knows how you felt, even though it was underhanded how he found out, you may want to conisder talking through the issues you described in your e-mails. Nothing to lose now and may make you much stronger.
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that last description makes it sound like he's playing victim with you. "your words hurt me, ignore what i did even though it totally violates any trust that we have with each other and pay attention to ME and how awful of a person YOU are." that's what his actions and thoughts say. we're only getting your side of the story, but if it's an accurate portrayal of what actually went on ...
i mean really, what was he looking for in your email and phone records that he couldn't have asked you about himself?
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