Codependency Support Group

I have this problem. The way I work on it is practicing affirmations daily. Usually as I going to sleep I just say over and over again things like "I will be assertive." "I will be confident." "I will take care of myself." ect...whatever applies to your life. Just make sure you always say it in a positive way. I didnt believe that it would make a difference until I acctually saw results!

I hope this helps you!

Absolutely!! I read a great book "The New Assertive Woman".

It's getting our needs met with kindness. It's not being aggressive or passive. It has a lot to do with how we're being treated. When people are used to one way, they may resist the change in us when we show assertiveness.

Good for you. I too, struggle with this. I think a lot of it is fear and low self esteem, or just old conditioning, or maybe a history of being bullied like our efforts won't matter.

when people ask what am i doing on a certain day i always say ....why? that allows me time to think instead of thinking.then cos i feel in conrol i say....can i let u know? works a treat.

Thanks to you all. Any feedback on my dilemma though?

Hi you again :)

someone who isnt assertive has first of all a problem herself. But of course that doesnt excuse the insensitivity of others. Being a person who has issues with being assertive I guess it is healthier to surround yourself by dear people who are assertive and sensitive at the same time.

I mean every friend will be insensitive at times - no one is perfect - but you should have the feeling that these are exceptions and that the other takes responsibilty if she or he hurt you with their insensitivity.

For example one former friend of mine, would always hurt me the way he called of dates without saying sorry or without even calling them off (simply just not showing up). But the reason I finally gave up on him was that even though I would tell him that I am very sensitive in this concerns and that Id wish him to be more considerate, things didnt change. Thereby every time somethign like that happened again I would hurt even more. So finally after he had really crossed one of my most unsecure lines, I got really angry, but instead of taking revenge (which I wanted to have desperately), I just kicked him out of my life - I wish I could have been assertive instead of angry, but I am sure I did the right thing, getting rid of him.

I told myself I deserve to be treated by friends in a way that makes me feel loved. That helped me to go through with it.

But thats my perspective and i guess u need to find your own one. Good luck with that :) H.

I see my brother calls you too. He will call me at work and ask what I'm doing, my reply I'm really busy right now. Then he askes me to call him back so he call tell me.........and there's the story. My brother gets ya before you get your mouth open. Thank goodness for caller ID at home!

I have been told when someone who tends to talk too much calls, say right away you only have a couple minutes to talk, and stick to it.

It's like a muscle to exercise and it will get easier. I think a lot of it has to do with being loyal to ourselves and regarding our feelings as just as important as someone elses.

I like what Bipanah especially said. Find assertive and sensitive role models to be around. Practice and pat yourself on the back when you make small breakthroughs. It is a journey and you will get better. It won't happen overnight, but journal and you will notice the changes slowly coming. Best of luck to you. It took me a long time to be assertive at all.