A "codependent" is loosely defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for other people's struggles.
Codependency advocates claim a codependent ...
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Wow, that was an eye opener!
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So, I broke up with my ex 4 months ago. He's an alcoholic and I'm trying not to be codependant. I haven't been in a relationship since. One of my really good friends came into town last weekend. He and I have been on and off since high school but circumstances have never given us a fair chance to try a real relationship. It's too bad because we probably would be a good match. But that's beside the point. I just think it's funny how I'm going along fine with my own life, plugging along, happy for the most part. And then he can fly in and totally turn my world upside down. I completely lost my sense of self and started basing my opinion of me on how he was treating me or how much attention he was paying to me. I got really depressed, thinking I'm just not pretty enough or funny enough or skinny enough for him. It's stupid because we had a good time and I can't place all these expectations on him, he lives on the otherside of the country with his own life and problems. Then he left and I moped around for 2 days all lonely and sad and obsessively thinking about him. I'm scared to get into a relationship because these are the kind of behaviors I don't want to repeat. They're so stupid and they make me miserable. I want my own identity. I want some friggin self esteem.
Posted on 07/02/08, 01:07 pm |
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((HUGS))
I'm sorry you're going through this, I do the same thing, too - which is why I'm not dating again until I am more in control of my feelings. I've been in so many bad relationships it's not funny. The good news is that you are taking a good look at your feelings and why you are feeling them. They are not stupid, hon - we can't help the way we feel. We can work on changing it, though, which it sounds like you are trying to do. Good luck to you!! 
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I know exactly what you're feeling. I did the same thing with my highschool boyfriend. He lives 2000 miles away and yet I still thought there might be a shot for us. He went back home and didn't call and then I went into a friggin tailspin of obsessing and it was horrible! Just keep aware of your reactions and try to avoid what triggers them. (That's what I'm trying for anyways)
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I feel you. It is somehow comforting to know that you are not the only one with these seemingly irrational behavior.
I had been feeling really good about my independence and how well I was doing at seperating myself from the state of my romance. But then about 4 months into it, when things got a little more serious between us, I went right back to my old ways. I am not feeling as crazy as I was 2 weeks ago, but still have some jealousy and severe feelings and fears about my inadequacy. I hope you get to feeling better about things. More confident. More independent.
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i completely identify.i have been looking for a relationship for the past 3 yrs and it has nearly driven me insane.my behavior has become so obbsessional that i hit a rockbottom 2 days ago.until then i thought i thought i was just a recovering alcoholic.i have wasted so much time and energy.i questioned god on why he didnt bring me a man and all the time my self worth was plummiting.the truth is thah god was saving me from pain and possibly death judging the caotic relationships i have had in the past.i hope u feel better soon.gypsy jordanx
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Wow! I thought I was pretty much the only one who obsessed like that! I have wrapped my entire life around men I have had relationships with. I mean live and breath them only to become very disappointed when they didn't feel or act the same way about me. The only way I have gotten through it was by prayer for understanding and learning to let go of things which is probably the hardest thing to do. I have to literally tell myself that I don't care - whatever happens happens and make up my mind about what to do when and if it does actually happen. I can remember curling up in a ball and crying for hours when my first real boyfriend would go to work, even though I knew he would be coming back, I worried about what he would be doing while away from me. I have had the same issues my entire life! It is heart wrenching, makes me physically ill most of the time. I just have to remember to pray for God's peace. I have actually prayed myself to sleep!!! May the peace of God be with you!!
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Thanks for your support guys! It's nice to hear others with similiar feelings and behaviors. It is very frustrating to me and I am trying very hard to change. Lots of love.
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