Codependency Support Group

I too, have had trouble letting others who are destructive go. The only problem in doing so was the Fear. I had all the usual fears, "I'm not good enough, I won't make other friends, I need this person in my life.

Until I surrendered myself to my Higher Power. I gave up my CONTROL, over the result. Everytime I doubted myself, I said "The RESULT, is already decided by my Higher Power. It may not look like what I want it to, but it is perfect. In doing so, I gave up my CONTROL. Something I don't like doing, but knew I had to.

As a result of this, friends I had in common with these people understood. Actually they thought I was the only one of them who actually had the nerve to stand up to these people. As a result, I got stronger, my other friendships have grown, and I no longer have to put up with friendships or relationships, or family issues that enable my dysfunction of holding on to something that isn't worth holding on to...which was both, negative and non productive. I use my Higher Power, I Use the 12 Steps. I trust in my Higher Power and Myself! Miracles Happen!

Cold turkey is the best thing. I read a book on "simplifying your life." Getting rid of things in your life that you don't need anymore and friendships that aren'tworking.
Both of those things drain so much energy in our life... I felt so much better when I did that. It doesn't have to be a formal thing either. Just stop communicating with them...
They generally find other people to annoy
Good Luck.

*hugz*

thank you for sharing =]

i think what you said hamster really hit home. i don't trust my own judgement. trust that i am doing the right thing. but if it is the right thing for me, then that's good enough.

pf, i agree. it takes a huge toll on my energy level. very draining. cold turkey seems to be the only thing that works for me. i am trying it now. *crosses fingers* i will stick to it this time =]

Fear is a hard obstacle to overcome. When my husband relapsed and continued to drink and use, I knew in my heart I needed to get away but I let my fears and insecurities control me for a few months. When I went back to Alanon and started working my program again, I soon realized that no matter what happened, it was better than living the life I was living. I have since moved and am selling my house - now, most days I am happy and content and at peace. The hardest part is taking the first step, and having the confidence in ourselves to know that we can do it, after that the rest will come in time.

fear of the unknown is my problem. I need to let go of the dysfunctional relationship with my AH, but it is so hard. He is the last dysfunctional relationship I have....I have discontinued all the others, such as my mother had her family, and I need to let him go, but for the life of me I hang on tighter than ever...... and it's killing me, my spirit I mean.
Yes, hamster, looking toward my HP is a must right now...thank you for the reminder. I need to let go and let my HP hold this, I cannot do anything about it.

sometimes i think we are better setting boundaries first. this allows us to focus on our own recovery and keeping those that do not respect us at bay, in time, after we have found our way, it's easier to let go because we have become healthier, to let go sometimes may not be the easiest if we haven't begun our own journey to peace. just a thought. perhaps boundaries (something probably most of us lack) is the first step to letting go.

letting go of people is so hard because although some of the things they do hurt us or make us feel bad we still care about them and sometimes they are caring kind people that we don't want to hurt. i can relate to not feeling good enough and being afraid i won't be able to take care of myself because i have felt that way all of my life, even before i met my alcoholic husband.

yes, i agree.... it is so hard when you don't want to hurt them. they are not bad ppl. . . but you know you have to let go. =/ that is what i'm going through right now. And trying to stand up to a lot of guilty feelings.


also, boundaries sound good. though i don't really understand the concept. like AT ALL =[
how do you enforce them? w/o making ppl angry or hurt?