A "codependent" is loosely defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for other people's struggles.
Codependency advocates claim a codependent ...
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end of the line?
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My dh has decided that he needs to go to an AA meeting daily instead of go to counseling therapy. He needs to do what he needs to stay sober. I don't have any problem with that whatsoever. He doesn't blame me, he said that he is putting his sobriety in jeopardy. Again, I would rather see him take care of his self than to ignore both the marriage counseling and AA meetings. But to be honest, once again I feel "put aside" for his needs.....because I want to work on our marriage......but maybe that's my own insecurities talking....
I am still numb, I didn't really react when he told me this...maybe I expected him to somehow not go to our next M session.....I can't argue that fact that he feels he needs more AA right now...but does he really need it or is it a ruse to not go to marriage counseling? So now what do I do? Take care of myself I suppose. Currently I have no job, no car, and no place to go. I feel stuck, trapped, and helpless. The best I can do right now is read my codependent and al anon books until things change. I am waiting to hear about a job I interviewed with, but I don't hold much for it because I need a car for it and I don't have one. It's too funny because we own a transportation company!! All we have is a 12 person bus and a flat tire on the Mercedes Benz. Neither one is good on gas. to be continued I am sure... runningbear Posted on 07/01/08, 11:07 am |
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get the flat fixed on the mercedes and go trade it in on a more economical vehicle.
Baby steps. Go to your counselling session and start working on yourself. Whatever the reason your husband doesnt feel he needs Marriage counselling right now, making him go won't change his opinion. Take care and good luck. 
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He fixed the tire because the mercedes is his car....not mine and no he will not trade it in.....and regarding him going to counseling, I would never force him to do anything against his will....he feels he needs AA now and that is good that he is doing that....
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Could it be that he is avoiding the counseling because he thinks the alcoholism is easier to deal with? Some men can't face certain issues, and maybe he wants to feel stronger in his sobriety before he takes on the issues you are dealing with together. I wish I could say what his motivation is, but I hope you can work it out, especially if it's really what you want.
Hang in there, and definitely take PF123's advice about going to the counseling for yourself. It will help you tremendously. Good luck to you.
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i know how you feel about being stuck, i think it is the worst feeling, maybe reading your alanon and codependent books is what you are meant to do right now, i wish my husband would start going to aa meeting. be good to yourself right now it sounds like you are going through alot of changes which is always hard.
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yes...it very well could be that he wants to be stronger in his sobriety before he tackles our issues....didn't think of that.....
not to sound too selfish but what do I do while I wait? And what if that is never? how long must I endure his emotional abuse and dry drunk spells? yes......I whole heartedly agree about me needing my own counseling....working on that.....
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You don't have to endure emotional abuse and dry drunk spells. Even if he's there with you. Alanon teaches about detachment. If you could get to atleast one alanon meeting in order to get some phone numbers-people to talk to you and take you to meetings, a sponsor to go do things with.
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ash-
you're right....detachment is needed and an al anon meeting is needed here too.... I will endeavor to do these things... thank your for your wise words... kim
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