Codependency Support Group

wow, very thought provoking this thread!
I have felt both
#1 disconnected: because I never let anyone in the world know my true thoughts and feelings, never was honest with anyone....thus that lack of opportunity to develop that relationship further. I once read that unless you allow yourself to be vulnerable in a relationshp, it can never move on to the next level and form that deeper bond.
#2 connected to about 4 people in the world, my crew I guess. I can pretty much tell them everything and anything and they listen, tell me I am crazy, laugh. and they are always still there for me, have been there for me even after I blew them off for 14yrs living with a narcissist.

I have to say in society we often the use the word friend way to loosely. I have many acquantainces that I have dinner with, or go to the movies, but those who I am able to show my true self to are the ones who really know me and allow me to open up and share and trust

I feel very disconnected. I have a couple of friends but my personal situation with my marriage has destroyed most friendships. My mom is really the only person I can talk to...but sometimes even that's a little uncomfortable.

I long for the friendships like on Sex and The City - where you can share you deepest thoughts and your girly secrets - and it's okay.

I have some friends I talk to on a regular basis but I've never just felt that close to them. Sometimes I wonder if it's me - and myabe I just can't let my guard down enough to get truly close to someone because I've been hurt so much.

nope, totally isolated, on an island. my meaningful connections occur in the check out lines.

Disconnected. It hard to find people that are sincere and doesn't want anything from you, except your friendship.

Are we disconnected because we are afraid to get hurt? or are we disconnected because we don't know "how" to be a friend. If we are co-dependent, the very nature of our relationship is about controlling what people think of us....
I wonder if the question were asked to people who are not co-dependent what their answer would be?

bump

I do not know the answer but I like to theorize.

I really believe that everybody in society are disconnected and the majority of people just fake their connections or else they do it dysfunctionally by meshing their boundaries.

I do not believe it is a codependent thing before recovery or after. Unless we conclude that society is codependent - and maybe it is.

Being "afraid of getting hurt" seems like it would probably be the biggest reason for most people.

We hear of murders and child rapist and awful things in the News and in people's conversations and so we really do have a paranoid society, IMO.

And I agree that many people do not know how to make or to keep friends.

In codependency recovery I learned how to make healthy relationship boundaries, and often when I use the methods with other people then I see many do not know how to communicate or to express them self.

Many people are not functional and they do not have healthy boundaries.

Like the Bartender and waitresses interacts with everyone but everyone else clings to a little "safe" group. At Walmart or office secretaries deal with many people and doing it in a professional way is not the same as being friendly in public society.

So I say most people are afraid - for whatever reason they might have - most people do appear to be afraid in society.

In my recovery work I had to work on huge fear issues and especially public fears, and so as I became more brave and engaging then society became far more withdrawn.

When we were trying to control what others think of us then we were beating a brick wall.

As I said - I do not know the answer but that is my perspective.

I guess I'm the only one feeling connected... I've been beat over the head with a lot of crazy and chaos lately and through it all I keep hearing from somewhere? to give it over to God. Now I'm not a terribly religious person... but when I have finally gotten back to the basics of praying... saying "I can't do this alone." Taking advantage of who my support system is... I am becoming happier by the day. I am incredibly close with my sister and cousin. They are my best friends. I have some friends who are not family... My bf constantly tells me there's something wrong with me because I don't have more friends... I think it's best to have the support that I have. Many people don't have that. I am grateful to have a lot of people who love and support me.

Soo.... I feel connected to the world. I pay attention to little things. Enjoy the day... and work daily on being grateful for what I have. - I am self supporting, I am working on myself and working towards goals, I have a strong family support, yada yada yada....

I feel blessed because I have 3 very close friends that I feel connected to no matter how fare away we are from each other. But for the most part, I do feel somewhat disconnected from the world I live in. I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing, though. Sometimes in order to heal we have to seal ourselves off from things.

NutKAse nailed it, I get out so little that when someone smiles at me in line at the grocery store I feel like "wow a friend". I know that's just pitiful!