Codependency Support Group

i have felt shame all of my life about my alcoholic crazy family, about the way i look, feel, think and act i've gotten to the point that i don't even like talking anymore to anyone but family members and a few close friends and even then i'm afraid to really be myself for fear of being made fun of or worse rejected.why do i feel that everyone else is better than me.

Maybe read up on Rational Emotive Behaviour THerapy?

It is what got me started on my recovery from co dep.

http://www.rebtnetwork.org/whatis....

To know the feelings , thoughts, and beliefs, is the way I had worked out of shame. Because I saw the origin, and got it off me.

Message me for details, if you like.

Shame is ,to me my minds last resort at keeping me form moving on. I know what I've done or what has happened,embarrassed I did it or allowed it..I have stopped denial and have brought it up front with myself..Shame is the minds last gasp from setting myself free.When I accept it I can walk tall again.With Clarity and a lesson on how not do it again.If i had not done it i would not know to not it,

Daddy told me I'd never amount to anything. He molested me and my sisters. Mama didn't protect us. Our many different houses were chaotic. I am so filled with shame that I could puke...I am doing the feelings, thoughts, and beliefs work, and it's really working for me. I've been gagging all week each time I feel, speak, and release a feeling. I am beginning to feel better after 2 months of this work.

a book called "Healing the Shame that Binds You" would be a perfect read.

I agree with the book suggestion above most heartily.

Also, I find the 5th Step (preceded, of course, by the first four (!), especially 4) to be tremendously helpful in lessening shame.

Thank you all for the suggestions. please keep them coming. Hugs to all

What has helped me is an understanding that 'Shame' is the confusing of self and behavior. You are not your behavior, it is seperate from who you are. Don't identify any mistakes you might make with the idea that those mistakes MAKE you bad, they don't. Mistakes are a natural by-product of learning. Also, your past cannot be changed; if you're in one of the five 'Grief Stages' you may be stuck in denial of what has happened in your past. No matter how much you wish it had never happened, that wishing will never change the past. Accepting what IS, is part of the recovery process for me. The past IS, it's history. Fortunately, it's not today. Today is something else. If one chooses to constantly remember the past, they will re-live it everytime they think about it. It may be time to pick a new day to focus on. Lastly, if you're a recovering codep, you may still care (worry) about what people think of you. What others think of you is their business; your business is what you choose to think about yourself. If you let others control your thoughts and feelings, you're in trouble; if you try to control other's thoughts and feelings, you're in codep; if you control your own thoughts, and thus feelings, you're free. No one's opinion of you is as important as your own, no one's. Try to learn to allow others to be who they are, and you be who you are. If 'they' don't like your new attitude, they're the one's with the new problem, allow them to handle the problem themselves. It does not mean you are to be unkind, it means you start taking responsibility for how you feel, and you let others take responsibiity for how they feel. Believe me, it simplifies life, a lot!
That's all I have learned so far to help me overcome the habit (addiction) to feeling shame. I hope it helps you. If I can remember where I learned all this, I'l tell you.

I would add to the above that doing shameful things is but one source of shame. Being shamed, having shameful things done to you, is the other. In fact, this often preceds the doing of shameful things.

So, both of these should be part of a 4th and 5th step.