A "codependent" is loosely defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for other people's struggles.
Codependency advocates claim a codependent ...
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Enabling the abuser.
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Some one pointed this out to me in a recent email and I thought to share it here, below;
"It is hard to see that we are enabling when we are the one being abused, but its true. The abuser is getting empowered everytime they walk over us. We were not intentionally trying to enable but we do it. We just want to love and to be loved so much that we settle for inapropriate and disrepectful behavior." === The recovery from codependency gives us a way out. Being an "enabler" does not make it our fault, we do not get blame, but it is part of our codependent dysfunction. In a healthy relationship a husband will want to "enable" the wife to do her best, the wife will "enable" the husband to do his best, we want to "enable" our children too. The boundary is drawn at wrongdoing, we do not want to enable abuse. Posted on 05/23/08, 08:05 pm |
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so true, thanks 
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For co-dependent it is hard to distinguish from volunteering for pain and volunteering for gain. Once you can distinguish the difference, getting healthy comes so much sooner.
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I find that the codependent person needs to recognize that being abused makes us our self dysfunctional.
That is why we must change and correct our selves. We must put realistic and healthy boundaries on ourselves because we are dysfunctional. Thus we enable the abuse and the abusers until we correct our own patterns of enabling. I find that it helps me when I understand the dynamics of the dysfunctions.
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It helps me when I understand th dynamics as well. Before I really started researching, I always thought I was some victim and that everyone else was terrible because all I wanted to do was make them happy. Now I understand how disproportionate that is.
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hmmm... this describes me perfectly
i couldn't put it into words, but now I can... i was wanting to love and be loved so much that I did settle for inappropriate and manipulative behavior. I let it continue because I didn't want to be abandoned. DS has done more for me than any therapist could. Thanks for sharing that with us, Booky.
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