Codependency Support Group

It means a lot of stuff, too much for one post.

If you are affected by him still, it probably is codependent stuff.

Have you listed all your feelings/thoughts/beliefs with things concerning him? And grieved the loss of the relationship?

Hi Lilac, My DR said I was codependant... and handed me a book "Codependent no more" I read it, found some of it to apply a little to me and some to apply alot to me. But I felt so much better... then I met this crowd... and life is SOOO much better.... not easier but better

I personally don't think it is important to 'label' oneself as 'codependent' or not. What is important is to feel your feelings, as best you can - abstain from putting pressure on yourself to feel a certain way just because someone says you should.
There is no time limit or constraint on feelings in and around a separation. Everyone's time line is unique.
It will help you to take care of yourself - be gentle with yourself & very loving of yourself. Allow yourself to be supported by people with whom you feel safe, loved, and accepted. Remember, you are never alone - we are all interconnected.
I divorced my first husband 25 years ago, my children were 3 & 1 year old...today, he & I are good friends, because I was able to allow myself to heal my broken heart.
It sounds like you're already making positive strides by 'doing very well on your own'.
Take care & be gentle with yourself.

I agree with Durqu that you shouldn't label yourself, but at the same time it is good to be aware of your tendencies.

Dee1963 had great advice to get 'Codependent No More'. That book was a huge impact on me to realize that I am codependent. Prior to the book, I had no idea codependency was even something to be aware of.

I am definitely codependent and now I can be conscious of that as I move into other relationships.

Do you feel you can't live without your ex? Do you feel you NEED him? How do you value your own self-worth? How you answer those questions are good indicators of codependency (but definitely not limited to those).

Get the book... or get the audio book. It will definitely give you some great insight. Then, you can decide for yourself!

In the meantime, love that boy! He is soooo cute! I have two little ones myself, and it's amazing what they bring us. Such innocent love & joy. Savor it!

Great that you are doing well on your own. You are a very strong person, I can imagine.

It's natural to go through a period of grief. Change is difficult even if it's good change. When you're with someone a while, you form a chemical bond with them. And you tend to forget the bad stuff and remember the good. It's natural, otherwise women would only have one pregnancy etc. have a blessed day

sometimes co-dependancy is like addiction alright...you crave whats bad for you...and feel useless without it...despite knowing full well, how bad it is for you..

Like any addiction, it takes a long time to get rid of the withdrawals..But one day, you'll wake up, and know you would never go back...not for anything...

That da will come..hang in there, its not easy, especially coping alone with a young child...but its an addiction/relationship...you must give up...And in the long run...giving it up, will have benefits...they will come in time...

thanks.. that was kind of what I thought. I've come to learn i was obssessing over his addiction and over him for so long i dont even know who I am anymore. thanks for the insight everyeone.

btw... I agree that you are probably grieving. The five stages are:

Denial: The initial stage: "It can't be happening."
Anger: "Why me? It's not fair."
Bargaining: "Just let me ___ and it will be ok"
Depression: "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"
Acceptance: "It's going to be OK."


Does that feel more familiar than addiction? I sense you are having normal grief emotions rather then codependency. What do you think?

To remain attached to someone..when they are the worst thing that ever happened to you...is definately co-dependant..and not grief...
Grief is from losing something you love...and is perfectly normal, and understandable....but losing hell..an unhealthy relationship..thats absoloutely no good for you...and still being attached to it, and emotinally craving it,...is definately co-dependant...

to me co-dependent means you have to fix everyone and everything around you and if you can't you feel as if you have failed at everything. do you really still feel as if you have feelings for this guy or do you feel it is your fault the relationship failed and if you had done this and this and this everything would have been all right. if you had one more chance you could fix him and everything else and the world would be perfect but if not it is your fault.you have to learn to take care of yourself first and foremost if you don't learn to take care of yourself and love yourself you won't be able to have a truly happy and well rounded life.i haven't got to that point yet but i'm working on it