Codependency Support Group

I use to post here a while back , I think since this fall. I haven't been on much , not alot of time , but I do come here and read posts and can always relate , as I have lived my whole life as a codependant .
Some of you may recall me , or my situation . I have a 2 yr old daughter with a jerk . I ended up breaking up with him last fall , and was split up for about 3 months only to have him move back in and try to work things out .
It was terrible things did not get better, they got worse. The man is ill , he has major issues , he is abusive in all ways , and is an alcholic/narcotics addict .
It ended with him getting trashed on Xmas eve and leaving , then coming back to say he wanted to end his life and that he wanted to go into the hospital . He went inpatient , only for 4 days and came out worse , he tried to choke me and attacked me several times , was explosive and scary to live with sober . So when his mother came for a visit and started screaming at me about my father making comments /threats about him laying his hands on me , it was the last straw ... I told HIM to get out , I could not take anymore drama from him or his family . My life and my kids lives was being sucked away .
So we have been split up since January . Supposedly he was getting help , and staying sober , he was threatening court to see our daughter , as I would not let him take her . I had agreed to meet him in a public place for a couple hours at a time here and there . Well he called Saturday night and he sounded like he had been drinking , I cut him off and we hung up . THEN for the kicker ........
My friend was at a house party , my ex showed up their with a friend , he was drinking ( so much for being in recovery and going to a therapist ) , they had been doing coke . He stayed at the party all night , til 5:30 am . Got wasted , and as I was told this week him and another friend gangbanged this 55 yr old scag who is from what I am being told totally gross. She has a huge red bulby nose, is dirty , doesn't take care of herself , is overweight , sleeeps with her teenage daughters boyfriends , and apparently spreads her legs for more than one man at once ( GROSSSS ) . I at the same time was told that he was doing crack cocaine at this house party .

In thinking back ...Funny thing is that he called me the next afternoon ( after that party ) , and he sounded really bad, his voice was high and shakey , and he sounded raspy ,and his words were spuratical . I don't even know why he even called , he didn't really want anything . Our daughter was saying dada dada , so I told him to talk to her and he refused ( I thought that was odd ) when I took the phone back he was teary and choked up , I asked him what was wrong , and he said "nothing , I just miss things " and then said he had to go , so we hung up .

I am beside myself that he not only is not getting better but he getting dirtier and worse and fast . I am SO glad I listened to my mother instincts and have NOT let my daughter go with him .
Alot of people were hard on me about me not letting him see/take her , but I know him better and knew he isn't safe or sane enough .

It turns my stomach and makes me cry to think that I share a child with a man that has such little morals and standards , I am having a hard time seperating myself from what he does . I just keep playing the scene over and over and over again , this sick perverted act that he did , and nothing can change it or take it back .
I guess I sh ould just be glad that he is not coming home to my bed anymore , right ?
Posted on 03/14/08, 05:03 pm