A "codependent" is loosely defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for other people's struggles.
Codependency advocates claim a codependent ...
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Codependent Friendship - painful ending - help!
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Has anyone else experienced a codependent friendship that was so painful when it ended?
I just recently ended a codependent friendship with my best friend of 6 years. I didn't know letting go of a codependent relationship could feel like detoxing from drugs. Unwantingly, I've since moved into a deep depression. This friend had so many problems in her life and extremely negative, and I seemed to have absorbed that negativity. She was also rather abusive to me, yet at the same time very caring, warm and connected to me. No need to go into details, but ending this codependent relationship has been so difficult and I just can’t seem to let go. The more I “crawl” back, the more stupid I feel, and now I’m not only depressed but also feel like a loser for basically begging for her friendship back after it ended. During the times we were together, she would call me 8-10 times a day! Over the six years, this developed a habit in me, and though I was not codependent before, this relationship made me extremely codependent. She was my best friend and knew everything about me. Despite her abuse (I always told myself I would never get involved with an abusive marriage, yet didn’t know it could come in the form of a friendship, too!), it was comfortable. Much like a codependent, I did the world for her. I was her care-taker and now I’m left with nothing. People would say I have everything, but I really feel inside very empty. My self-esteem is zero. I have no friends. I feel empty. I feel sad. I feel lonely. I feel angry. The problem, in addition, is I have too many memories of her and me all around San Jose where we live. I can’t run away from them and I miss the good times so much. I threw away all her pictures, yet nothing can erase the pictures in my mind. Nothing can replace her and I can’t run away from my feelings. I’m addicted to that friendship. I’m an addict. I never knew what it felt like to withdraw from drugs, but now I have an idea. My heart NEEDS her but my gut tells me she is toxic and I’m better off without her. Right now, my heart is winning because I can’t let go. I feel helpless. I want this pain to go away. I wish I never met her. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks for listening. -Lori Posted on 02/18/08, 03:02 pm |
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Yes, while letting go is difficult, every minute you are out, you are getting stronger. One day at a time, or one minute at a time, whatever you need right now. Live in the here and now, yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not yet ours. Try to stay busy, join somethiing and meet some new people. Keep posting, keep strong...... 
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i am codependent on my friend.i fortunately have been able to begin the process of detaching without ending the friendship. read my journal entries and see if we have some things in common. i can relate to how you feel though. i read a book a few weeks ago that helped me called "facing love addiction" by pia mellody. if u like to read that might help.
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i understand totally. i have been there more than once. for me, i think the reaspn is my own low self-esteem. i don't like or love me so how can others? they see that i'm desparate so in my mind, i always tell myself s/he will only like me if i am totally codependent. that has a lot of basis in the abuse i suffered growing up in my family. CoDA (codependents anonymous) has helped me a lot. it might help you too. also, my belief in Jesus helps i believe.
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Wow! You weren't kidding about it being pretty close to my situation.
The situation I'm going through was a 6-year friendship where the biggest issue wasn't a strong co-dependency but instead a strong lack of communication. This person was very negative and gossipy and never had many good things to say about anyone. I always said I hoped we'd (me and hubby) we would never get on her bad side... and then we did. From where she sits, I'm sure she thinks that this is a clean break/falling out but really... I have days when I really wonder how she and her hubby are doing. I know that to even think about going back to the friendship would be a bad idea because really it will not work out. What I find helps me is focusing on something that makes me feel better about myself. Focusing on people that I KNOW are supportive, even at times when I think there's no one I force myself to find that one person. I also stay busy by reading or crocheting or watching movies or surrounding myself with positive people. I got involved in my church community and that has helped immensely. Keep strong, keep posting!! :) This is a huge help. :)
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