A "codependent" is loosely defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for other people's struggles.
Codependency advocates claim a codependent ...
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attaching to these identities
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The language of "self-work" and understanding the self, though important to get clarity on our behavioral patterns, I think is detrimental as we tend to lock into these identities and embrace or become them.
Human nature has patterns of behaviors and certain personality types are prone to repetitions less healthy than others, etc . . . but I think we should all be careful with our language around who we think we are, who our therapists tell us we are, etc . . . Our language and thought patterns can define us if we're not cognizant of shifting and shedding these non-serving identities. Yes, I have co-dependent behavior patterns, but I also have attributes of a healthy and functioning person. I am choosing to celebrate these parts of myself and I hope we all can instead of hooking into this definition of codependent, addict, etc . . . and carry that load for ever. Posted on 02/12/08, 01:02 pm |
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Just my opinion, but I don't think admiting we have a codependency problem makes us any less likable, loveable, or even less normal.
Everyone has problems, many people are just in denial about theirs. For me, talking about my codependency and working on my issues helps me improve myself. 
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It is fine to celebrate the attributes in oneself that they are proud of, but there is nothing wrong with admitting that one has negative issues that could be better -- especially if you are working on them. For me, acknowledging that I am codependent is more of an encouragement to be better, not something I attach to to define myself. How can I change self-defeating and self-harming behaviors (and I don't mean visible ones necessarily) without admitting I have them in the first place? For me it isn't about attaching to a definition to find my spot, but rather knowing my spot and finding the definition.
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agreed. there is a difference in being prone to behaviors and being labeled....
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I think it is a matter of balance. I identify with what mot is saying. I've found I "pigeon-hole" myself when I'm feeling depressed, tired, overly stressed, etc. At the same time, having identified my destructive behaviors, I've been able to work thru to accepting myself and not have tunnel vision on only myself...it has given me the ability to also see everyone has their issues. It's given me the freedom of dealing with what is mine and leaving others to their own...nothing is 100% perfect and that's okay too.
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You my friend are so right. We are nothing but what we think we are... the more we read and ingest 'labels' the more we define and become them. it is the theory of quantum physics. This is not fiction it is truth. We are well aware there are parallel universes, we just don't know how to move from one to the other. Anyone interested in learning more about how important it is to watch how we label ourselves, should rent the movie, "what the bleep do we know."
All my best,
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So true! Words are pwerful. Good or bad.
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I agree it's key to put our finger on these identities . . . it's the only way we can be released from them.
to "hoops", I definately don't think any of our :problems" can make us less likeable, or abnormal. I'd just enjoy hearing all of us say " I am me"
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I AM ME, WARTS AND ALL. AND I'M PROUD OF WHO I AM.
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