Codependency Support Group

YES!!! This is co-dependancy! First I recommend getting Pia Meleodys books. "Facing Codependence and breaking Free" and "facing Love Addiction" Both excellent books. second I would get into some counceling and look into a support group. My favorite is Alanon. It sounds as if you are willing to give up way to much self for this person and are unable to set boundaries, This is deffinately codependence and probably love addiction. Usually when someone feels like they are dieing because of a relationship ending it is due to withdrawal from Love Addiction. Just like an addict coming off alcohol! They feel like they can't live without it. I know I'm a love addict and it's a darn hard thing to see. You say u can't live without him and your willing to let him sleep around. Hey girl this is not healthy thinking! You do everything he asks? You are not a slave! This is not a functional relationship. Your so young and you have your whole life ahead of you. Figure this out so you can live Happy Joyous and Free. Your on the right track by seeking help. Get those books and start learning. And yes you can live without him!!!

Amy,
I can guess that you had a clue that the way you are living is unhealthy for you because you took the first step to reach out to us and ask.
The life you are living is very selfish. Does that shock you? You are probably saying, no I am not. I am sooo giving to this guy that there is nothing left for me.
I say to you this, are you giving in other areas of your life? Do you volunteer anywhere? Do you give your time, money etc. to any needy cause?
If your answer is no, and I suspect that it is, why do you suppose that you can give sooo much to one guy and nothing to any other cause?
The answer is this. You are giving is only a type of manipulation you are working on your boyfriend in order to get what you want. You are willing to go to any length not to make him happy, although on the outside that is what it seems, but rather it is to get what YOU want.
I don't tell you this to sound cruel or mean, but to open your eyes to the truth of your situation, and then you can begin to heal.
Your fear, I suspect is that if he doesn't love you, then no one will and that would leave you alone and alone is a dark scary place that you will do ANYTHING to avoid.
We all do this to a certain extent, and we call it comprimise in a healthy relationship, but in your case it is way out of balance. It is only YOUR security that drives you and you mistakenly believe that your security is derived by another person.
Anytime we give someone or something outside of us the power to destroy us or make us feel whole and successful, we are headed in the wrong direction.
In order to set up the rules for you life to work FOR you and not AGAINST you, it is very important that you and only you are in control of what it takes to make you feel those satisfying healthy feelings of success.
You have just set up your life's rules so that they are working to tear you down.
What can you describe for yourself as success that YOU and ONLY YOU are able to achieve without depending on someone else's behavior?
You are NOT insane. You have just been trying to be happy when you have set your life up to where it is nearly impossible to achieve it since it depends on someone else to act or do for you.
Lucy

Amy,
As I read through my last reply it sounded harsh. I am so sorry because I don't mean it that way. I am struggling just like you, and I am trying to tell you the things that I have learned so that you can begin to be free of the pain that we share.
I send you hugs and blessings today my friend. Be strong.
Lucy

It sounds like you are thoroughly enmeshed in this situation. My advice to you would be to recognize that you need help from some higher power to get out of it, and then seek that help. Good luck to you.