Codependency Support Group

Very well said! Keep up the great attitude!!

It is difficult not to argue & fight back, eh? But, WHY do we have to defend ourselve's, if what they say isn't true?! They want us to react, to spin & confuse us...it give's them more of a chance to control & manipulate us. Do you not find yourself acting in a way that YOU don't like & being disgusted with yourself for not walking away? NOW, they can put the guilt trip on us for OUR bad behavior! Bottom line is....we let them...we allowed them...huh?...if we allowed OURSELVE'S, believed in & got to know ourselve's a bit more, then "maybe", no, then we DEFINITELY can take the power of owning our own life, our beliefs & our serenity BACK!!!....THEN, we would realize that we needn't engage in or even endure a conversation with someone that feeds off of negativity(in any form).
By no means, is this easy to change "overnight"...if we didn't learn our behaviors that make us codependant overnight, then WHY do we expect to fix them overnight?!!! This does NOT mean give up, it means give yourself credit for taking the steps to HONOR your life, give yourself credit for heading your life back into a healthy environment. I, myself, want to breathe again in a healthy atmosphere...putting up with verbal abuse, manipulation, caretaking of another individual(who can take care of themselve's) is like putting up with someone with bad breath & not doing anything about it(whether it be to say something, walk the other way or leave). I DON'T enjoy nor want to breath polluted air anymore... NOR do I want to live in this kind of environment/world. If I can take the correct steps towards a happier me, a happier life, then I can be part of a solution, not, part of a problem!

Amen, sister!

Here-Here--I love "The Courage To Change". Thanks for sharing this!!

teflon baby! that is my goal!
cheers to all of us working everyday for peace!

So I had my first therapy session today and she gave me a tool to use whenever someone is saying something that I feel I need to defend myself against. Rather than give them the ammunition to fire back at me by being a blathering crazy talking person smile and say, "I'm sorry that you feel that way." I confess I haven't tried it yet, but I am intrigued by the prospect and thought I would share the idea.

A couple of good responses are...
"Ouch, I'm sure you didn't mean it that way, but that hurts."
or if they are really being rude... simply say..
"Are you intentionally trying to be mean or
would you like to rephrase that?"
Likewise if you say something you wish you hadn't ...try saying...
"Oh my gosh, who was that blithering idiot who said that rude thing?"
or..
"Wow, something must have taken control of my mouth - I can't believe that really came out of me."

I love all the posts. There is some really good advice here. Crisanne,I think it's awesome that you've become aware and are working towards healing! I really relate to your story. I too had similar issues w/ my husband and believed everything he said about me, and would become an emotional mess when I was criticized by him which happened often. Later, I realized that I had been doing this all my life. Always looking towards others to define who I was. I wish you the best during your journey. It can be difficult but the payoff is amazing!!!!

i had been doing so well with my 'non-reaction' -- not perfect, but way better and i've fallen off that proverbial wagon...i am bitching non-stop, arguing with his manipulations and nonsense as if they made sense...WHY Amy? Just why do I do this!?!? I don't want too -- If there ever was a pay off chemically for spouting off into crazy, it isn't there anymore...
Just crazy.

Reacting...boy, one day we can do so well & then, BAM!...we fall again. Well, give ourselve's credit for the days we did do well, get up, brush ourselve's off & git back on that trail again!