Codependency Support Group

Codependency - What is it?
Codependency is when a person has a strong desire to control people around them, including their spouse, children or co-workers. Codependents believe they are somehow more capable than others, who need their direction or suggestions to fulfill tasks they are responsible to complete. They feel compassion for people who may be hurting and feel they should be the one to help them. Codependent people give of their time, emotions, finances, and other resources. They have a very difficult time saying "no" to any requests made of them.

go here for more good information:
http://www.allaboutlifechallenges....

It is interesting how many different perceptions there are about what codependency is...
There are other symptoms which are a result of this basic issue... the most prevalent is the issue of placing self-worth based on people appreciating and valuing fyou or what you do for them. This is a vicious cycle as you can see because many times, these individuals do NOT want or feel they need your help.
God Bless.
Dr. G.

From Wikipedia:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codep...

Codependence (or codependency) is a popular psychology concept popularized by Twelve-Step program advocates. A "codependent" is loosely defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for persons who depend on him or her. A "codependent" is one side of a relationship between mutually needy people. The dependent, or obviously needy party(s) may have emotional, physical, financial difficulties, or addictions they seemingly are unable to surmount. The "codependent" party exhibits behaviour which controls, makes excuses for, pities, and takes other actions to perpetuate the obviously needy party's condition, because of their desire to be needed and fear of doing anything that would change the relationship.

Symptoms
Symptoms of codependence are controlling behavior, distrust, perfectionism, avoidance of feelings, problems with intimacy, excessive caretaking, hypervigilance or physical illness related to stress. Codependence is often accompanied by clinical depression, as the codependent person succumbs to feelings of frustration or sadness over his or her inability to improve the situation.

Codependence can also be a set of maladaptive, compulsive behaviors learned by family members in order to survive in a family which is experiencing great emotional pain and stress caused, for example, by a family member's alcoholism or other addiction, sexual or other abuse within the family, a family member's chronic illness, or forces external to the family, such as poverty.

Codependency advocates claim that a codependent may feel shame about, or try to change, his or her most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with those of another person. An example would be a wife making excuses for her husband's excessive drinking and perhaps running interference for him by calling in sick for him when he is hung over. Such behaviors, which may well lessen conflict and ease tension within the family in the short term, are counterproductive in the long term, since, in this case, the wife is actually supporting ("enabling") the husband's drinking behavior. So, sometimes, the codependent is referred to as an "enabler." It is also worth noting that since the wife in this case is dependent on the husband's alcoholic behavior, she may actually feel disturbed, disoriented or threatened if she sees clearly that he is emerging from his dependence; the threat to her position as a confidante and needed loved one might lead her unconsciously to resist the husband's steps towards recovery. Similarly, a codependent parent might resist his or her child's steps toward independence; whether early or late in life.

Codependent people have a greater tendency to enter into relationships with people who are emotionally unavailable or needy. The codependent tries to control a relationship without directly identifying and addressing his or her own needs and desires. This invariably means that codependents set themselves up for continued unfulfillment. Codependents always feel that they are acting in another person's best interest, making it difficult for them to see the controlling nature of their own behavior.

Best conceptualized definition i ever got (from the book "love is a choice"... great book):
Codependence is like two pair ice skaters trying to skate around the rink with their shoelaces tied together... they can't create together... they can't express... they can't experience... heck, they can't even stand up!... because they are so "enmeshed" that they burden eachother.
Most people think that the "solution" to codependence is independence... but, this is like two pair skaters who never make contact... they are at totally separate ends of the rink, at all times... they also cannot create together... cannot express... cannot experience.
Interdependence is the healthy way to be (i hope that i can get to the point where i actually experience it in a relationship, one day... lol)
inderdependence is like two pair skaters that float across the rink... together and apart... they may each go to oppostite sides and express a beautiful spin or jump... then they come together and express another beautiful choreography and creation as a couple and a team... and the flow together and apart and back again is seamless and natural.

#3 - that is a good analogy ....thanks for sharing

~#3
found this very helpful thanks.It describes exactly what was happening in my relationship. I have just come out of a co dependent relationship where i found i was living his life and giving far too much. I started doing what was right for me and found that thischanged our relationship. The truth sets you free!

Go to WIKIPIDIA, It is a online encyclopedia of the true definition.