What is Codependency
A "codependent" is loosely defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for other people's struggles.
Codependency advocates claim a codependent ...
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my boyfriend is an alcoholic,after reading a few stories in this support group, i realise i am codependant.I have no life anymore everything revolves around trying to make him stop drinking and be somebody who i know hes never going to be.i cant go on like this,i dont know who i am anymore.Any suggestions on how to get myself out of this?
Posted on 10/14/08, 04:10 pm |
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I am so sorry that you are going through this. My advice is the first thing to realize is that you will NEVER get him to stop drinking. It is his choice. I have been seeing someone for 6 months with a drinking problem. I never wanted to stop him because i knew I couldn't. My plan was to show him that i am a solid person who has a great life. So if he wanted to be a part of it or experience these things then he would have to make the change himself. He knew what he was missing or he experienced things that alcohol took him away from. So, this is his learning curve but he either makes the change or not. It hasn't worked out and there are other issues with the relationship that we are experiencing. He is trying to seclude me from a part of his life that I want to be involved in. So, i think he finally realizes and so have I that it will not work. So, you have to make the choices within your responsiblity of the relationship. You have to accept the relationship as it is and be okay with it. If you are not, then you make the decision to break up. You start living you normal life and start planning things. You start having fun without him and letting him decide to come or not. You do things that make you feel good. You have to also understand this is a sickness and he needs support. Are you strong enough to support him when he turns to you? 
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I have a book that I recommend it usually does not go into a al anon meeting or anything like that but may have you figure out your nature and his at the same time. Its called Where is the cheese. It just may be he is the rat that does not want to find the cheese at all and there is nothing you can do to push him in the maze. It is usually found in the business section at book stores Barnes and Noble employees find this book rather quickly.
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( if you do find out that he is in fact that kind of rat and you are not well that is incompatibility alltogether and I would say enough motivation for you to can him)
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You walk..no RUN as far as you can and never look back!
Trying to change anybody regardless of the issue,is a form of control... Take a deep breath,and look towards *your* future and the possibility of sharing your life with someone who isn't an addict. Life is TOO short to waste it on those who insist on dragging us down with them. Hugs,
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Walk away. Everything changes when we change. You can't change, cause of fix him... it is crazy making and if we try we become sicker than the addict.
Look at it this way, if you stay - you know what you have. If you leave, you open up a spot in your life for all kinds of possibilities. Good Luck.
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