Codependency Support Group

I'm not saying our situations are similar but what I found was that when I really wanted things to stop I was able to do it. The thing for me was about truly wanting things to end. I achieved this by never reading his text messages, I gave them to my girlfriends to read and then delete. Eventually I changed phone numbers which was a hassle because my mobile phone is an integral part of my business. Stopped all contact. It is hard if he is invading your space and social networks. Explain to people why you cant have him in your life. All thebest. I empathise I know how nerve wracking it can be

So smart of you to see the restraining order as just self-serving and NOT helpful to your family. My compliments and God bless you for it.

And I agree that a 15 year old son needs his dad even if it is a pain in the drain.

Boundaries do not have to have the hard consequences as most people claim.
Many times we just speak the boundary and that is it - our words are incredibly powerful - especially when the words are true and sincere.

Not all boundaries are for controlling stuff, like common courtesy is a type of relationship boundary. If we say the "please" and "thank you" and "excuse me" etc., then it requires nothing from the other person while at the same time it puts a great deal of possitive pressure onto that same other person telling them to straighten up.

He sends you a nasty email then you reply saying "sorry and thank you" and NOTHING else and his emails will change like magic.

A man loses his wife and son and his home and family - then people wonder why he is acting so crazy and ugly - and it is because the man lost his wife and child and home and his family.

You can not really give him closure but you might be able to push him in the right direction.

Even if he was at fault and even if he was abusive or whatever then the separation still had to hurt him. Men are people too.

A link with a little about closure here below;
http://www.totaldivorce.com/coping...

And to stir up troubles (smile - kidding) it seems to me that many women seem to see them selves as low-self-esteem and the men / man / husband (ex) puts the woman up on a pedistol.
You seem to believe that you leaving the man meant little or nothing while the man is knocked down from it.

You and you opinions and your feelings are important to the father of your son, and you are esteemed by him whether you see it or not.

I do not need to be there to know that.

Change your email, check out getting an order of protection..This is harrassment no less, Don't make his game by even acknowledging him..

First off..Visitation arrangements will be handled THROUGH an order of protection I know because my Ex still had visitation although I had an order of protection. The idea is to keep an abuser away from the victim..and doing harm..which in turn would harm the child as well. This man is acting irrationally and is showing signs of stalking..closure will never be enough for him because it is about CONTROL.

Ming is right. Nothing will stop them. I ignored mine for OVER SIX MONTHS. Did not respond to ANYTHING. His emails, his texts, didn't answer when he called. Blocked his IMs (he would get a new screen name and send more), blocked his email address (he'd send from different email accounts). Me telling him directly to 'stop stalking me', and then ignoring him for over six months did nothing. He's still obsessed with me. It's been over a year and a half. I checked one of his websites after he was arrested and bailed out of jail and he had a whole blog of lies about ME stalking HIM, complete with totally made up dialog that I had supposedly said to him in various emails, text messages and voicemails that NEVER happened. The only thing that stopped him is knowing that he's going to prison for YEARS if he talks to me again.

Agent, I do hope your keeping your self safe.

If he doesn't want to be 'shut out'..He'd ant to stop acting like a threatening abusive scay human being...

Inundationg you with obnoxious emails..and trying to turn others against you, and involving yor innocent son in matters tha he should never havet deal with..and infringing on your right to have your own private and separate life is obsessive abusive and controlling..and scary.

It shows that hes driven with a need to control you still..and refuses to move on..

It is stalking and harassment..and boundaries are absoloutely useless in dealing with him, becse he is already trampling allover yours, and your sons..and he obviously sees that as okay..as he continues to do it...

What would worry me is what will he do when he realises that he can't control you?..This is often when this kind of obsessive and controlling behaviour worsens..

You could discuss it with the police..Show them his mails...and tell them whats been going on..and ask them if they would start with just warning him that you will have a restraining order put on him..if he doesn't stop...Then he will be choosing the restraining order..if he doesn't stop..

Also I think you have to stop any responding to his emails..and use a third party for any absoloutely necessary communications, if at all possible..

'Closer' you really don't need..especially since he needs to accept that he has to move on, and that you have moved on...

He is trying to control you..and I agree..stop engaging him..

agentSmith I read your story..its terrible..So sorry to read about your horrible experience.. stalking can escalate into violence..if not stopped..and he needs to be told to back off..Not come closer...

Please talk to the police..before escalates..its already very scary obsessive and unacceptable behaviour..

Depending on where you live there are different criteria for restraining orders. In my state (I work for the court system) you have to feel an immediate threat of physical harm in order to get a RO. But definitely go to the police. This is harrassment, at the very least, and probably stalking. Again, it depends on the laws in your state. But I would echo the suggestions to end all contact for now. Good luck. I am sorry you are going through this.