Codependency Support Group

That is a good question, but for me I feel I was codependent to my ex-girl friend and her habits...I know I bottled up alot of anger inside,but instead of flying off the handle I became an alcholic,so I know codependency does make us act different.

Not generally. Usually it is anger turned inward which is sadness and depression. This doesn't sound like anger, it sounds like intolerance and impatience.

I know from my own experiences that your description has especially in the past and to some degrees now are true. I learned that say if my narcissistic mother would say or do something that was degrading and hurtful,I would redirect the anger towards small things a lot too. It would initially look ridiculous to others(getting angry over the bread bag being left open etc),but the truth was I refused to allow myself the right to defend myself at the time of being attacked by people. I would then feel violated and then angry and then redirect that frustration...

The biggest violator to myself IS myself. By not learning the art of negotiating and setting up boundaries for others to follow(which means holding them AND myself accountable),was in essence a manipulation in itself. I could retain victim status in my own mind,and never be accountable because hey,THEY did this to me!

You've justified in your mind flying off the handle..what is your justifying thought patterns? Take out the situations of what you're getting angry about at the time,and you'll delve deeper into what you're telling yourself that makes doing it okay...BECAUSE...

No matter what, flying off the handle is no better a behavior than someone who says or does something that is hurtful and rude. It's like a driver raging at someone cutting him off,and justifies cursing out the window and giving the finger to the other driver(meanwhile that finger touting driver is affecting others around them because they're allowing themselves to be distracted!).

This is a great discussion topic.

Hugs,

Sometimes anger is an inability to deal with a deeper or more complex emotion or situation. Have you targetted exactly when you get angry? In reaction to what? And why?

good question.
perhaps you are angry because you have good reasons to be angry. However, i suspect that what you are really angry about is not the "little stuff", but the big stuff that's harder to deal with.

For me, learning about codependancy is about becoming "self aware" about my true feelings and learning to think with my brain instead of running it through an emotional filter and becoming defensive and flying off the handle first..anger is just a symptom of codependancy..and it's about choice,Me choosing about what to become angry about..not my anger controlling me.. JMO